Back To School...Not For Me

This time of year we see all the commercials, and advertisements for back to school sales on clothes, and supplies. Kids get ready for new student orientations, and start having to go to bed and get up earlier, in order to prepare their bodies for the school years. Teachers begin decorating and organizing their classrooms, preparing lesson plans and course syllabi. Parents are ready to get their kids out of the house and back in the classroom. And kids are both excited and nervous. Excited about seeing their friends, beginning elementary, middle or high school. Nervous about who their teachers will be, the workload, and the social aspects of school (will they like my new clothes, who will I sit with at lunch, etc...). All and all this is a busy time of year. For me its really weird. Even though I haven't been going to regular school since the beginning of 11th grade, it is still very odd. If I were healthier, I would be beginning my sophomore year of college, studying to be a Child Life Specialist. Instead, I am slowly studying to take my GED at some point in the future. A lot of my friends have gone away to college, and I really wish I were to. I'm not the only one who is having that "back to school blues", but my grandmother is to. She was a teacher for 44 years, and this past years she retired, due to her having some health issues of her own. She is now spending her retirement being my caregiver, taking me to chemotherapy, and doctors appointments, and just being a pillar for me. After being in the classroom for so long, its difficult for her not to be teaching, because it was her life. Each time we see one of those back to school commercials, we talk about how odd it is for us. For me, I feel so non productive. Although people tell me that I shouldn't be because I am so sick. I try and study as much as I can, but its so difficult when you feel so miserable. I know that my time will come, and by the grace of God, hopefully be going back to school this time next year. I try not to get discouraged or depressed about it, because that doesn't solve anything. I know that this is all part of God's plan for my life. I may not understand it, but I know there is a reason for it. We all must trust that God has a divine plan for each of us, and it may not be what we wanted, but it exists. As I see my mother preparing for her first year as the lead counselor at Del Valle High School, I see how it can be stressful for those who are going back to school, but in a different way. No matter what our situation is in life, we will always wish that it was different in some ways. The people going back to school wish they could be at home (minus the illness). We need to learn to accept the situation we are in and embrace it, because that is God's plan.


Joyful Love
         &
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta

Books Books Books

I have never really considered myself a big reader, but lately I have been reading some books that have really helped me cope during this tough journey. I like to read a variety of things from christian, self help, to mysteries from Agatha Christie. But the past three books that I have just read were truly some of my favorites. They were:

• Why Bad Things Happen To Good People by Harold S. Kushner
• Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
• Journeys Of Hope: 30 True Stories Of Faith In Adversity collected by Allison Gappa Bottke

These three books really helped me to be able to deal with my chronic illness and a different way, and also helped me to see the role that God and faith played in that journey. There have been so many different emotions that I have had during this process, that I sometimes haven't been able to see things clearly and rationally. Lately there have been numerous instances where I have questioned God and my faith, and have come very close to cursing God. These books have served as a source of inspiration for me. I have begun to understand that God has not done this to spite me, and that these things haven't happened to me because I wasn't praying hard enough or the right way, or because I wasn't reading my Bible often enough. I try and read my Bible every day, and pray at least once day. I used to think by doing that, and by doing everything the way God would want me to, that he would reward me with a Bone Marrow Transplant. Its like if you study hard enough you get straight A's, or if you did all your choice you would be rewarded with a new outfit. I started to realize after reading these books that it doesn't way. I also came to realize that my illness is part of the laws of physics, its an occurrence in the body that just happens, not something that God can control. 

Its wonderful that these books were able to teach me such important lessons, and were able to help me in such a positive way both spiritually and not. People always stress the importance of reading. I am now trying to read everyday, not just because I have to for studying but just because I want to. But these aren't the only books that I have loved. I am currently more than 80% done with the book The Help, and I absolutely love it. Reading can provide such a wonderful escape. It helps me to clear my mind and get a new perspective on things. And with this roller coaster ride I'm on, I can use any escape I can get. 


Joyful Love
         &
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta