Yesterday was Valentines Day, a day in which we celebrate love. Most people equate the day with showing that special someone (spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend) in their life how much they love and care for them. For those of us who are not married or in a relationship, it is a day in which we share with our loved ones how much they mean to us. For me, it is also a day when I remember the unconditional love that God has for me. He showed me how much He loved and cared for me, by giving up His one and only son to suffer and die on the cross, bearing my sins, so that I can have eternal life with Him in heaven. When I think about God's love, it makes me want to share that love with my friends and family, not just on Valentines Day, but all the other 364 days of the year.
My Valentines Day was not one that most would consider a good day, but in reflecting back on it, the amount of love that I have in my life was clearly evident. The day started out as a typical Friday morning, with me getting ready to go up and have my weekly blood counts drawn at the Texas Oncology on Balcones. I had been feeling terrible, and was horribly fatigued, weak, and stiff and swollen. It was clearly evident that I was in a flare. When I got to the infusion area to have my port accessed, my blood pressure was really high at 159/11 with my heart rate being 125. We thought this was because of how much discomfort I was in. My mom had spoken to Dr. Carrasco's office the day before, and he was gone all next week, and I couldn't get into see my primary until Monday. They said if I was having more symptoms to go to the hospital for a steroid treatment. After seeing my blood pressure, and telling the nurse what Dr. Carrasco's office had said, we called my Hem/Onc doctor, Dr. Cline-Burkhardt at Texas Oncology Seton Williamson, to see if she could fax in orders for me to have a steroid treatment at Balcones, since I was already accessed for my blood draw, and so I wouldn't have to go to the hospital. She wanted to make sure I didn't have any signs of an infection, as giving steroids to a person who has an infection can be extremely dangerous. Once she was confident I didn't, she faxed in the order for me to have 1000mg of IV Solumedrol (steroids). The last time I had IV steroids (this kind being different than the Dexamethasone I got with chemo to combat nausea), was two years ago when I was in the hospital with my blood clot right before starting Cytoxan. I have had so much steroids, as well as having dealt with the terrible side effects (weight gain, Avascular Necrosis, Cushings, and other things) that the doctors are extremely hesitant to give me steroids. So the fact that I received a treatment, means that I was really bad. My grandmother stayed with me for what was supposed to be a half hour to 45 minute visit to a two and a half almost three hour visit. My mom was calling regularly, and asking me if I wanted her to leave work and come be with me, but I said that Susu was taking good care of me. Less than halfway through the infusion I was already starting to taste the metallic taste, and feel ravenously hungry, like I could eat a horse. This is not a hunger that can simply be controlled by willpower, and doctors can tell you that. When we left there at noon (arriving at 9:15) we went to grab a bagel at Einstein's, unfortunately the hazelnut coffee that I absolutely love tasted funny because of the metallic taste from the steroids. When we got home I took some Benadryl, and curled up in the big bed with my grandmother and crashed. When my mom got home she was worried about my blood pressure, and was debating as whether or not to take me to the ER. I started getting real snippy and yelling at everyone, and being very unpleasant. Everyone knew that this was "roid rage", as we had been through this before when I was on steroids, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Before we left, my grandfather surprised us with two boxes of Lambs Candies chocolate covered strawberries. Such a wonderful treat from a wonderful man. My mom then went and picked up our dinner from Brick Oven, we came home and relaxed, and then I started to feel that headache common with steroid infusions, and by 9:30/10:00 o'clock I was out.
Although this was not the Valentines Day my family and I had in mind, I was reminded and shown how much I am loved. The way my family went into action mode, calling the doctors, checking on me frequently, grandmother sitting with me through the infusion, all of them being super diligent about my blood pressure, made me see that I have so much love and support around me everyday. Its in scary and difficult times like these, when how much love you have for a person is displayed.
Its easy to say "I love you" to someone, or buy them flowers, a card, or a box of chocolates. But if your not there when they truly need you such as when they are sick, or during some other crisis, it doesn't mean anything. As the saying goes, "actions speak louder than words." John 13:35 says, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." I love this scripture verse, because it reminds me that the love my family has for me, displays the love that God has for me. This is true, because as the verse says, I know that God loves me, in the way that my family displays there love for me. This may have been a different kind of Valentines Day, but there was definitely not a lack of love, and the amount of love shown makes it a good Valentines Day in my book.
P.S. I hope everyone had a Happy Valentines Day, filled with a lot of love and blessings. Even if you don't have a "special someone" in your life, it doesn't mean that you are not loved. You are loved by God, more than you will ever know. His is a love that is unending, and unconditional. That, is true love.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
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