Medical Power Of Attorney & Living Wills

This past week I completed my Medical Power Of Attorney and Living Will. While I was on hospice right after being diagnosed with the blood clot in my jugular and brachial veins, and beginning the 18 month long Cytoxan treatment, we didn't know what was going to happen with me health wise (which was why hospice was involved). I had filled out what I thought was a MPOA form, but it was just one of hospice's own forms, and not the legal MPOA forms where witnesses have to sign. With the way my health has been going with no treatments beside the weekly chemo to keep me from "falling of the cliff", and palliative care being involved, my palliative care team and I decided that doing a MPOA and LW was a good idea. Being 20 years old and completing these, was a bit awkward at first. Deciding who you want to make medical decisions for you, if you are in a position in which you are not capable of doing so yourself, is not really something that people my age usually think about. I have talked a little bit with my mom and therapist (both together and individually) about what my wishes are if I were in a state in which my condition was irreversible or was going to decline quickly. I don't want to live like a vegetable, and don't want to be kept alive just for the sake of being alive. I also don't want to be in a state where I cant feed, and take care of myself, and practically drooling in a nursing home with no quality of life. For me the quality of my life is more important then the quantity. That's not to say that I don't want to live as long as the Lord allows, but I want to be able to have a somewhat decent quality of life at the same time. 

While going through the emotional process of reading through all the forms with my mom, my faith really played an integral part in helping me not only decide what I wanted, but also helped to keep me emotionally sound during the process. Making these decisions require you to really think through what you want, and not just make a quick decision. I have designated my mom as the person who I want to have MPOA, because she knows, understands, and respects my wishes, and that is the number one thing when it comes to choosing a MPOA. The nurse who is on my palliative care team told me that a MPOA and LW aren't just for people who are ill, they are a really good thing for all adults to have. You never know what can happen, such as a serious car accident, an accident while doing some sort of sport or recreational activity, and even a sudden unexpected life-threatening illness where things can go downhill in a matter of days or hours. Having an MPOA and LW doesn't mean that your planning on dying or that something bad is going to happen. It just means that you have taken the steps to prepare for the unexpected. This is something that I would recommend doing whether your 20 or 80. It will give you peace of mind knowing that if something were to happen where you couldn't make medical decisions, that someone that you know and trust, and who respects your wishes, will be able to make them for you. It doesn't have to be a family member, it could be a close friend or someone else that you trust. The important thing is that you have something in place. 

Going through this process helped me to be more at peace knowing that if something were to happen, that my wishes would be honored. I don't want to die, but at the same time I'm at peace knowing that when the time comes, I will be reunited with my Father in heaven. I worry of course about my family, but I know also that the Lord will be there to comfort and guide them, and His love will be what sustains them. John 10:28 says, "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." This scripture verse is so comforting, because it tells me that when it is my time to be in eternity with God, that nothing and no one can take me away from him. Hopefully it will give my family a sense of comfort to know that as well. 

I don't know what the Lord has planned for my future, but I am putting all of my trust in Him. I am prepared for the worst and unexpected, but I am definitely not planning on it happening anytime soon. The Lord has laid out our lives from the beginning of time, and he knows the path that it will take. Trusting in Him is easier said than done, and it is a goal that I strive for each day. I think having a life-threatening illness, and having so many unknowns makes it even more of a challenge, and at the same time more of a necessity. I strive to please and honor Him each and every day, and he is number one, and the center of my life, the core of my being. I rely on Him and His word daily. If I go a day without praying or reading scripture, I feel so incomplete, like a part of me is missing. This roller coaster I'm on is the wildest ride of my life, and at the same time the most amazing one. I don't believe I would be who I am, nor would my faith and relationship with God would be as strong as they are if I didn't have my illness. I am finding new ways all the time in which I can use my illness as a blessing, which is a blessing in and of itself. In no way am I angry at God anymore for being sick, and I think the reason is because of the blessings that have occurred because of my illness. When something negative or difficult occurs in our life, we must search deep down for the positivity and blessings that are there, because I guarantee you they are. 

On another note, health wise there is nothing to new report. I am still on my weekly chemo Methotrexate (or lemonade as I like to call it) at 25mg. I have had an increase in swelling, stiffness, and weakness, but not as quickly as a decline as when I was on 20mg. I see Dr. Carrasco on Tuesday, and I hope that he will keep continuing with the 25mg, because I do think it is keeping me at a "stable decline." I should have more to report after the appointment. This past Wednesday was the two year anniversary of being diagnosed with the blood clot in my jugular and brachial veins, and also the day they called a code on me at the hospital. I am so thankful to still be here, because when they told me I had the clot, the first thing I thought was, am I going to die. When I had the surgery to remove the abscess behind it, I had never been more scared to have surgery than I was then. Especially when the ENT said he had performed only one surgery like that before. I had to completely but my trust and faith in the Lord, and the fact that I am still here today is proof that He was guiding the doctors and the nurses, and protecting me as well. I am so blessed to be here, and each day is a gift from God. Life is so precious, and I try and live my life as though each day were my last. I know that God has more for me to do here, and I can't wait to see what he has in store for me. I will continue to live my life to the fullest, to honor the Lord in all that I do, and to share His word and love, and to minister to others. Thank you to all of my wonderful friends and family. Each one of you is a unique gift and blessing, and you each provide something special and unique to my life, and I couldn't imagine my life without each one of you. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all the love support, and encouragement that you provide to me, and to my family. May God bless each and every one of you. 


Joyful Love
         &
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta