Tough Week

This has been a tough week for our country, with the bombing's of the Boston Marathon and at MIT, and the fertilizer plant explosion in West, TX. I have been praying for those who were injured and lost their lives, and their families. Tragedies like the bombing makes it more prevalent that evil does exist in the world. When any tragedy occurs, many people wonder if their is a God, and if their is, does he care? The answer is yes. Our God is a merciful and wonderful God, and every tear we shed, and pain we feel, he also feels it. People always ask the question "why do bad things happen to good people?" I can't really answer that question, as its above my pay grade. I do believe that God loves us with all is heart, as He gave His only son for us. We can't stop bad things from happening in this world, but we can choose to continue to trust and have faith in God. I believe that His love is always with us, and that He will always take care of us and watch over us in the good times and the bad.

In addition to the tough week our nation has had, I had a tough day yesterday, as I got my first increased dose of my weekly chemo. I went up from 30 mg to 35. I have mixed feelings about it. I was upset at first, because I didn't want to deal with worsening side effects, but at the same time, I knew it could help some with my symptoms, and keep me alive and somewhat stable. Im feeling pretty blah today, and just flu-like. But I'm pushing through, and going to get a manicure and pedicure this afternoon with my mom, so that will be relaxing. Even though this has been a difficult week for me and many in this nation, I know that we will come out victoriously. I love what Deuteronomy 20:4 says, "For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." I love this scripture verse, it is so encouraging. It helps me to know that God is always with us, and will help us against our difficulties, so that we will come out stronger and victoriously. I believe that with faith, and determination we can get through any obstacle, and reap the fruits of God's abundance and blessings. May God bless each one of you, and this nation. 


Joyful Love
          &
Blessings In The Lord 
Alexandra K. Acosta 

Practicing Patience

One of the challenges that I have had through this journey of an illness, is practicing patience. I have been trying to be patient when it comes to many different aspects of my illness. First, it was being patient while waiting for a diagnosis, then being patient while trying to find the right treatment and seeing whether this one will be the "miracle", and now being patient while waiting to hear from the BMT team at TCH in Houston. I pray each day, that God will help me to be more patient, and sometimes I am, and other times not so much. It is such a daily struggle. I know that God has given me the strength to be patient, I just have to find it within myself. I think when you are in so much agony, and so drained (physically and emotionally), you have the desire to just get discouraged and want to give up. But those are the times when practicing patience and relying on the Lord are crucial. I once read that you should try not to think of something bad happening to you, but for you. I know that may sound strange, but I think its a positive spin on a negative situation. That saying resonated even more with me, when I read in scripture that God will reward us double for our troubles, just like he did with Job. But we have to stay in faith for that to happen, and that's where patience comes in to play. James 5:7 says, "Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains." I think this is such a beautiful scripture verse. It helps me to know that I have to be patient in order to see the rewards of God's blessings, just as a farmer practices patience waiting for his crops. Patience is a difficult thing to practice, but so important. I know that by being patient and faithful that I will see an abundance of God's blessings. It may be a difficult journey, like it was for Job, but in the end, the rewards will be so worth it. 



Joyful Love 
          &
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta

Appointment Canceled

Well this morning around 10:45, just a few minutes before we were getting ready to leave for Houston, I got a call from Dr. Martinez's office at TCH, saying that she had gotten some notes and recent bloodwork from Dr. Cline-Burkhardt, and that she wanted to cancel tomorrow's appointment, so that she could present my case to the entire transplant team, and that in 3-4 weeks she would get back to me with a desicion, and that if I didn't here anything by the end of the month to call back. She is preparing to go into inpatient rotation for the next two weeks, so she won't be in clinic. As you can imagine I wasn't very happy, because I had psycologically and emotionally prepared myself for the appointment, so I broke down and cried. My grandparent's and mother took this as the best possible news, because the fact that she didn't want to see me, means that she didn't need to evaluate me again to decide whether or not to take my case to comittee. We feel that the fact that she is taking the case to commitee is an excellent sign, because she feels that I have a case that could benefit from a BMT. My grandparents were more nervous about having to go down there, and didn't tell me until today, that the fact that she wanted me back down their so soon wasn't a good sign, because that would have meant that she hadn't decided whether or not my case would benefit from a transplant, and whether or not to take it to commitee. They also feel that if she were going to do Il-2 that she would have kept tommorow's appointment. I was also very frustrated, because it is another month of not knowing whats going to happen, waiting, and continuing to feel miserable.

 I had gotten angry at God for a moment, because I have been praying and believing, and trying to have a joyful and greatful heart, but still don't have definitive yes or no answer. Its hard not to get angry at God when we dont get what we want, and have prayed for. It makes us feel as though he isn't hearing our prayers, and that he doesn't care about us, but that is the farthest thing from the truth. God hates to see any of his children suffer, and in pain. I believe that the Lord has a transplant in my future, because he wouldn't have put that desire in my heart. I love what Psalm 37:4 says, "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." I am keeping this scripture close to my heart, because it helps me to know that I should continue to trust and have faith in him, and to continue to ask and pray for those desires. Waiting will still be diffiuclt, and I may have some crises of faith along the way, but I can have peace knowing that my Heavenly Father is in control, and right their with me. I will continue to give updates as they become available. I meet with my pediatric rheumatologist Dr. Carrasco on Monday, to just check in so he can see how I am doing. I don't believe he will be changing much or anything with regards to my current treatment. Thank you for all of your prayers, encouragement, and support, you don't know how much it helps me get through this roller coaster of a journey.


Joyful Love
         &
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta

HAPPY EASTER!!!!

Today is Easter, the day in which we celebrate the resurrection of Christ. It is such a joyous day, where we can say Hallelujah. This is one of my favorite day's in the Christian calendar, because it is truly a celebration. I love being able to rejoice in knowing that Jesus was resurrected after atoning for our sins on the cross. I feel like I can be at peace, knowing that I can be an imperfect person and still have God's unconditional love, because of Jesus dying on the cross. I love what John 11:25 says, "Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die..." This is such a wonderful scripture verse, and to me sums up the reason Jesus died on the cross. I hope that this Easter day, we can all remember that it is not about dyed eggs, and bunny's (though they are fun), but celebrating the resurrection of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. I hope you enjoy this joyous and blessed occasion with family and/or friends.


Joyful Love
         &
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta

Palm Sunday

Today is Palm Sunday, and this week is Holy Week. As we prepare remembering Jesus's crucifiction and celebration of his resurrection, I am reminded of an old saying that I recently read that says, "I had a debt I could not pay; He paid a debt He did not owe." This saying really resonates with me, on how Jesus paid for my sins at Calvary. As I listened to today's sermon, I am reminded of the pain and suffering that Jesus went through for me, so that my sins could be paid for. He died for me, and that makes me really feel how much He loves me. I am always reminded of God's love this time of year. As I think about the pain and suffering that I am going through right now with my illness, I think about all that Jesus went through. I love what John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." Throughout the week, and on Easter Sunday, I will have this verse close to my heart. I hope that we can all remember what Jesus went through for us this week, and how his death and ressurection is a symbol of God's everlasting love for us.


Joyful Love
         &
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta

Decision Not Yet Made

Yesterday was my appointment in Houston at TCH with Dr. Martinez (the transplant doctor). The appointment went ok, it could have been a lot worse. She has not made a decision yet about whether or not she is going to do the transplant. In this appointment, she wanted to see how I was clinically doing, and repeat all the blood work, because it has been about six months since she last saw me. She said that I definitely had more swelling, redness, and the rash on my face was present. All of this was not visible when she last saw me. She wants to make sure that the transplant will actually benefit me, and that she will not do more harm than good. She and the rest of the team meet every Friday, and once all of the lab work comes in (some could take up to a week), they will formulate a plan. She said that even if she decides not to do a transplant, their will be a plan B, and she will continue to be helping me in anyway she can, and continue working on my case. Though I was disappointed not to have a yes or no answer, it does feel good to know that whatever the decision is, that it will not be made lightly, and that she and the other doctors have really thought hard and long about it. I have another appointment scheduled with her on April 3rd, and at that point we will be given a plan. 

I am trying my best to be patient and to not over analyze things, and think about all the "what-ifs", but it is extremely difficult. I have been praying nearly every day that the doctors will do the BMT, and I know that God knows what I want. I think that I have to continue to really trust, believe, and have faith. I love what Romans 4:18 says, "Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed..." When I read this scripture, it helps me to continue to hope and believe, even if in the natural it seems as though you shouldn't. Until I hear a confirmed no, I am still going to believe that the transplant will happen, and say "when it happens" instead of "if". I can't expect abundance if I speak and act negatively. So as I continue to wait, I am just trying to take it day by day, and be at peace knowing that I'm letting "Jesus Take The Wheel."


Joyful Love
          &
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta

Will Wednesday Finally Get Here!!!!

As some of my family and close friends may know, patience is not one of my strongest virtues. This is something that I am trying to work on, and its quite difficult. So as you can imagine, waiting for my appointment to arrive on Wednesday is driving me crazy. I am trying not to think about it, and do things to keep my mind occupied, but its always in the back of my mind. When I talk about the transplant I always say "when" it happens not "if", this makes it sound more positive, and that helps me to not think about all the "what if's." When you speak something out, you're giving life to your faith. As Proverbs 6:2 says, "...you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth." I really believe that verse. I believe if we speak negativity we can't expect abundance and prosperity.

As Wednesday is approaching I am getting both nervous and excited at the same time. In some ways I'm nervous for them to say yes, because I know what a BMT entails, and how hard it will be on my body. But at the same time I'll be excited when they say yes, because I know it will be a step for me to lead a happy, healthy, and normal life. I am not going to let fear in. When it knocks on my door, I am going to say "go away" (not really of course, but you know what I mean). I feel that if I am anxious and nervous, then I am not really trusting God. By trusting God, I can be at peace, free of all worries, fear, and anxiety. Isaiah  41:10 says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." As I am waiting for my appointment, and even after, I must keep what this scripture says close to my heart. Worrying, and having fear will not help anything, and will cause more negativity. I think I just need to put my trust in the Lord, and have peace and positive thoughts. I know that God will come through for me with this transplant. I have complete faith in him. And at this point that is the only thing that I have control over.


Joyful Love
         &
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta