This past Thursday I got some discouraging news. I learned that I need to have a hysterectomy. I have been having some issues, that would have usually been treated by medications and a minor surgical procedure. After my doctor learned that the fertility doctor told me that my eggs have already sustained damage from chemo (and even more so now because I have had much more chemotherapy) so my chances of having biological children are slim to none, she told me that even if I went into remission it would not be safe for me or a baby to carry a child. Women with my diseases can be in a remission and even go into a remission during but after birth get extremely sick and have bad flares (some even die), and getting control over their disease and going back into remission is very difficult sometime impossible. Pregnancy is hard on a healthy women, so for someone like me its even harder. Babies of women with my kind of diseases often do not develop well in-utero and are often premature. The fertility doctor had told me that my only way of being pregnant would to use an egg donor, where another women's egg is implanted in my uterus. When they do that though they usually implant more than one to increase the chance of pregnancy so the chances of having twins or other multiples is increased. With my lung and heart issues is another reason why pregnancy is not recommended. Since the only purpose of having a uterus is to carry a baby, and that would not be good, and I would be facing having pills and the minor surgery every 6 to 9 months, its just best to take the uterus out and do the hysterectomy. This news was not as hard to hear as it was from the fertility doctor, because when I went to him with hope. I am also happy they couldn't freeze any eggs because that would of made the decision even more difficult. I am still in the "shock" phase, and I know it will be harder in coming years when all my friends are pregnant and having babies. I have been turning to scripture a lot. As Psalms 28:7 says, "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me." I truly believe that and I know that if I trust in him I will be at peace. I have a bit of an update regarding the transplant at TCH. Dr. CB my oncologist here, talked with Dr. Martinez (the transplant doctor in Houston), and she is having a hard time finding the right conditioning regimen. Cytoxan is one of the drugs used to condition the body for a transplant, and her concern is because I failed it giving me higher doses wouldn't be beneficial, and she wants to find a regimen that is safe and won't kill me. So she is not sure whether she will proceed with the transplant. Its NOT a no, but she is trying to work things out. I asked Dr. CB to remind her that the Cytoxan worked for while, it just eventually stopped working, same with the Methotrexate. But in the cancer world that would mean the drug failed. Its difficult for Dr. Martinez, because when a person has leukemia, or lymphoma, their is a conditioning protocol that they know works, and for my case they don't know. Its a guessing game. I am just continuing to have faith, and hope to hear something soon, most likely after the new years, because of the holidays.
On another note, my heart goes out to the families, and the community of the Sandy Hook school shooting in Connecticut. 20 precious angels lost their lives, and eight adults. Evil exists in this world, but God did not create evil. Its even more difficult for the families and the community because it is so close to Christmas. As Lamentations 3:32-33 says, "Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone." As Jeremiah 33:6 says, "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security." I know that the families must feel anger towards God, and that is understandable. We never know what God's plan is. I hope that the families and the community can find comfort in scripture, and prayer. May they know that God is feeling their pain and that he is with all of them and watching over them, and that heir children, are in heaven smiling and playing free of all pain. Please keep these families and the community in your thoughts and prayers.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
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