Today we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, the perfect and most precious gift that we have and will ever received. I love Christmas, it is my favorite holiday filled with family and tradition. I try to remember that today is about celebrating Christ's birth, not about presents (which are fun the receive and open). Yesterday on Christmas Eve we did are usual Christmas Eve traditions. My mom, grandparents, great great aunt and I went to the pick-up pageant at my church, which we have gone to every year since I can remember. I played Mary in the pageant when I was in 4th grade, which seems like ages ago. After church we went out for our traditional Christmas Eve Chinese food dinner. Afterwards mom and I dropped Auntie-Em off at home and drove around her neighborhood to look at some of the beautiful Christmas life, which my mom and I have an affinity for. We then went home and relaxed watching Ms. Congeniality on TV while I enjoyed a glass of egg nogg. I went to bed early and read the Christmas story told in the book of Luke and finished reading a coffee table book recommended by the Billy Graham Evangelical Association called Grandmas Christmas Legacy:The Testimony Of The Tree. It is a wonderful book that is both a children's book, as well as for adults (although it looks like a Children's book). The book compares the meaning and symbol of parts of the Christmas tree to the fruits of the spirit. I highly recommend it, and its a great book to read as a family. As of this writing, Christmas morning has been slow and lazy here at my mom's house. We had some Trader Joe's chocolate croissants and opened our stockings, a tradition that my mom and I do together. I got some wonderful make-up and gift cards to Sephora and Starbucks. My mom and I may go to a movie today, and this afternoon we will go to my great great Aunt Martha's house to open presents and have Christmas dinner with the family.
Christmas is truly a celebration and as I said in my previous post the biggest birthday, where we are the ones who receive the perfect gift. I have been telling myself that I am going to focus on the birth of Jesus, and I will do my best to remember what were celebrating when our family is opening gifts. With the roller coaster my family and I have been on, Christmas (and all holidays), family, and tradition have become so important to me. I cherish the tradition and memories of Christmases gone by, and look forward to Christmases to come. I am so blessed to be able to spend Christmas with the ones I love, and to treasure the precious gift of God's son. I hope that everyone has a very Merry Christmas, filled with love and blessings. May we all remember what we are truly celebrating on this glorious day.
"For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord." Luke 2:11
"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Saturday, December 21, 2013
The Christmas Rush
This year, particularly this past week and the next two days, I have been feeling the Christmas rush for the first time in a few years. Not just mentally, but physically as well. Between doing Christmas cards, baking, Christmas parties, shopping, doctors appointments and chemo treatments, I have really pushed myself. Being the organized type A person that I am, I tried to make sure that I planned ahead of time and paced myself. Making sure on days that I knew I wouldn't be able to nap, to do so the previous day if I could. I didn't realize however that my body has just been a lot weaker and more fatigued, and what I thought was a good pace wasn't enough. Despite the increased weakness, joint pain, swelling, stiffness, and fatigue, it was all worth it because I was doing things that I enjoyed. My palliative care doctor and therapist both say that if its something I enjoy doing, even if it causes more fatigue or pain, its OK because I'm doing something that I enjoy, which can help my mental outlook. The only downside (minus the increased symptoms), is the realization of how much weaker my body is getting, and how I'm not able to do as much as I used to or thought that I could do. It makes the fact that my body is not working and continuing to decline, more real, and that is a tough thing to realize. The doctors told me that I would experience a decline, but until I start to notice it with an increase in symptoms, it doesn't seem to hit me.
With Christmas just a few days away, and my mind and body both drained, I'm finding it crucial to center and focus on awaiting and celebrating the birth of Christ. I love reading the daily Advent devotions from Bible Gateway every morning, and the Billy Graham weekly one. I am also reading three different Christmas books, one for my morning reading, the second for my afternoon book, and the third for my nightly reading. All of these devotions and books give me the opportunity to get back to remembering what we are celebrating this Christmas season. They allow me to refocus when I get stressed thinking about what all I need to do and whether or not I have the time to do it, as well as when I'm tired and in pain. This time of year is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, and the most joyous, yet somehow it seems to be so stressful, chaotic, and sad or depressing for some. The focus becomes on getting that "perfect gift", on making sure that the house looks just right for when family comes to visit. It saddens me to here about people being mauled at stores, all so that they can get some material item that in a year will no longer be "in". What we forget is that we have already been given the "perfect gift", God in human form, His precious son Jesus Christ. When we think of it that way, it makes all of the stress, worrying, and chaos seem so unimportant, which it is in comparison to the gift of Christ. I have been trying to remember that this perfect gift is the reason for the season, and to share that with others. Luke 2:10 says, "And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people." I love this verse because the birth of our Savior is something that brings "good tidings and great joy."
As we await celebrating the birth of Jesus in the next few days, I hope that we can all remember what the true meaning of Christmas is about. To try and not let ourselves get to stressed out and wrapped up in worrying about material gifts, and other things that will eventually be lost or forgotten. The best gift that we can give is ourselves. Our love, kindness, encouragement, and generosity. Spending time with family, friends, and other loved ones celebrating the biggest birthday of all, where we are the ones who receive that "perfect gift" of God in human form. I hope that everyone has a very Merry Christmas, filled with love, good tidings, and great joy.
"And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus. He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David: And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end." Luke 1:31-33
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
With Christmas just a few days away, and my mind and body both drained, I'm finding it crucial to center and focus on awaiting and celebrating the birth of Christ. I love reading the daily Advent devotions from Bible Gateway every morning, and the Billy Graham weekly one. I am also reading three different Christmas books, one for my morning reading, the second for my afternoon book, and the third for my nightly reading. All of these devotions and books give me the opportunity to get back to remembering what we are celebrating this Christmas season. They allow me to refocus when I get stressed thinking about what all I need to do and whether or not I have the time to do it, as well as when I'm tired and in pain. This time of year is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, and the most joyous, yet somehow it seems to be so stressful, chaotic, and sad or depressing for some. The focus becomes on getting that "perfect gift", on making sure that the house looks just right for when family comes to visit. It saddens me to here about people being mauled at stores, all so that they can get some material item that in a year will no longer be "in". What we forget is that we have already been given the "perfect gift", God in human form, His precious son Jesus Christ. When we think of it that way, it makes all of the stress, worrying, and chaos seem so unimportant, which it is in comparison to the gift of Christ. I have been trying to remember that this perfect gift is the reason for the season, and to share that with others. Luke 2:10 says, "And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people." I love this verse because the birth of our Savior is something that brings "good tidings and great joy."
As we await celebrating the birth of Jesus in the next few days, I hope that we can all remember what the true meaning of Christmas is about. To try and not let ourselves get to stressed out and wrapped up in worrying about material gifts, and other things that will eventually be lost or forgotten. The best gift that we can give is ourselves. Our love, kindness, encouragement, and generosity. Spending time with family, friends, and other loved ones celebrating the biggest birthday of all, where we are the ones who receive that "perfect gift" of God in human form. I hope that everyone has a very Merry Christmas, filled with love, good tidings, and great joy.
"And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus. He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David: And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end." Luke 1:31-33
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Thursday, November 28, 2013
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
Today is thanksgiving, a day when remember all that we have to be thankful for, and all of the blessings the Lord has given us. We also remember the first Thanksgiving when the pilgrims shared meal with Native Americans, putting aside their differences and bringing to cultures together to celebrate what they were thankful for. Even though my family and I have dealt with many challenges, we have so much to be thankful for. God has provided and blessed me and my family in more ways than one. Not just with the "basic" necessities (food, clothing, shelter and water), but he has blessed us with each other, our church r, and me with my wonderful friends. There are many who do not have a family, for a variety of reasons, to spend this joyous day with, or who have a family filled with strife and dysfunction. I am so thankful for my family, they have been with me through this roller coaster of a journey, have supported and encouraged me, and have given me so much love, and provided for me all that I need. We may fight at times as all families do, but the laughter we share, and the love we have for each other is in such abundance that I can't really put it into words. I am also so thankful for my friends (many of whom I consider family) and my church family. When you are dealing with a chronic/life-threatening illness, you see who your true friends are. I have been blessed with friends who are caring, supportive, encouraging, willing to hear me vent, give me good advice, and when I'm with them make me forget that I'm sick and feel like a normal twenty year old. My church family, many of whom I have known since I was three or four years old, have been there not just for me, butt for my family as well. They have helped me to grow in my faith, and provided the support and encouragement to help me deal with some of the more challenging parts of this journey.
For me this holiday definitely has a spiritual and faith filled meaning and component. It reminds me that all that I have to be thankful for comes from God. He has provided all of the blessings and gifts that my family and I have. For me at least, He is at the core of what Thanksgiving is about. 1 Chronicles 16:8 says, "Give thanks unto the Lord, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the people." This scripture verse helps me to remember to give thanks to God for all that I have, and to share his love and blessings with those around me.
I want to say to all who read this blog, that I am thankful for each of view. You have given me support, advice, and encouragement, and have shown how much you care by taking time out of your busy lives to read my blog. I hope you all have a joyous and blessed Thanksgiving. Let us all remember what we have to be thankful for, not just today but everyday.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
For me this holiday definitely has a spiritual and faith filled meaning and component. It reminds me that all that I have to be thankful for comes from God. He has provided all of the blessings and gifts that my family and I have. For me at least, He is at the core of what Thanksgiving is about. 1 Chronicles 16:8 says, "Give thanks unto the Lord, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the people." This scripture verse helps me to remember to give thanks to God for all that I have, and to share his love and blessings with those around me.
I want to say to all who read this blog, that I am thankful for each of view. You have given me support, advice, and encouragement, and have shown how much you care by taking time out of your busy lives to read my blog. I hope you all have a joyous and blessed Thanksgiving. Let us all remember what we have to be thankful for, not just today but everyday.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Sugar, Pumpkin Spice, & Everything Nice
Halloween is over, and Thanksgiving will be upon us soon. Starbucks has begun selling their fall and winter drinks of pumpkin spice, gingerbread, and peppermint mocha, commercials advertise the sale of the latest electronics, and tips for easy holiday entertaining adorn the covers of Good Housekeeping and other magazines. I love the holiday season, the fun, colorful clothing, gathering with friends and family for get togethers, curling up with a warm cup of hot chocolate and marshmallows while reading a good book, or watching a classic movie. But with all the fun of the season, for many it brings a great deal of stress, and the joy of the season becomes lost. One of my goals this holiday season, is to take the time to slow down, and get back in touch with the joy of the season. My illness has taught me to appreciate each and every day, and that is heightened during the holiday season. I want to bring joy to all that I encounter this holiday season, to help others feel less stress, and the importance of slowing down and enjoying the season. I love what Isaiah 40:29 says, "He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength." This scripture is so uplifting, because it helps me to know that when I am down, or feel weak (physically or mentally), that the Lord will give me strength. I hope to help other people know that during the chaos of this holiday season, when they begin to lose joy and become stressed, that God will give them the strength they need to get back their joy. It may not be easy to slow down, but when we take the time each day, even if its just five minutes, to ground and center ourselves, we will be able to receive strength from the Lord, and find the joy and happiness of the holiday season. We will have the sugar, pumpkin spice, and everything nice, that this wonderful life has to offer.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Saturday, October 26, 2013
It's Time For Your Software To NOT Be Updated
Just recently Apple told me that the software on my iPhone 5 and iPad 2 needed to be updated. So I updated the software which completely changed the look of the phone and iPad. Although it looks cleaner and more simple I find the buttons can be a bit more difficult to use because they are not clearly outlined on the screen, there more integrated then before. If that makes any sense. Right after the update many of my apps on both phone and pad were not working and quitting unexpectedly. This was because the companies that made the apps were not aware of the software upgrade to iOS 7 so were therefore incompatible. My Pillbox app for example, that tells me when and what medicines I need to take, has an alarm that sounds when its time for me to take a medication and will continue to sound every minute or so until you check off the medication thus ensuring that you remember to take it. When the update occurred the app would not open but the alarm would still sound when it was time to take my medicine but there was no way to turn it off, unless I was to delete the app thus deleting all of the medication info, and then download the updated version. Fortunately a few minutes after the alarm went off and I was trying to figure out how to turn it off without deleting all the info, the app was able to be updated, and I was able to turn off the alarm and still save all the data on it. This was just one example of the difficulties I have had with this new update from Apple.
As many of you know I have to practically live in a bubble to protect myself from getting infections. So technology, and social media is "my life line." I use my iPhone a lot for texting, Facebook, listening to music, playing games, spending time on hold with doctors offices, and even watching videos. So as you can imagine all of that would cause the battery to run low then if I just texted a few times, and Facebook 2 or 3 times a day. The battery life on my iPhone 5 was/is so much more better than on my previous Android phone, and many who have switched from an Android to an iPhone would agree. But because of the large amount I use my phone for things other than talking and texting a little bit, the battery does run more quickly. This prompted me to order an external battery extender, that looks like a phone cover, for $20 off of Amazon. I ordered it before the software update, and when the battery is running low, I just turn on the extender which charges the phone and allows me to continue to be able to use it while it is charging. After the software update I started noticing that the battery was running out faster than before, and many other iPhone users have said the same thing. This was done so that customers would go out and purchase one of the new iPhones that are now available in different colors. I can honestly say that if I didn't have the external battery extender, I would have gone and purchased a new iPhone. As you can see, with all the difficulties I have had with this new iOS 7 software, there is a reason why I said it was NOT an update.
On a different note things are moving along. I am really enjoying my online Art & Music Appreciation course with the Keystone School. I just completed the rough draft of my semester research paper on Thursday. When I sit at my table and do my work in the afternoon I feel like a "normal" twenty year old who would be working on schoolwork in their apartment or dorm room. I am having fun getting back into a schedule, expanding my knowledge, and learning new things. My grandmother helps me on a few things, and edits my paper, and it is a nice thing for us to spend time doing together.
Health wise things have been a bit of a challenge. I have had a lot more weakness, fatigue, joint pain, stiffness, and swelling (particularly in my feet and ankles). I had to have a swallow study this past Thursday because I have been having difficulty swallowing when I drink things. They determined its most likely from weakness and inflammation caused by my myositis. I have a wonderful PT named Dr. Price who comes out to my house and works with me, and taught my grandmother some passive stretches that shed could do for my swollen feet and ankles. I can tell you it feels absolutely wonderful. I will also have a speech therapist come and see me and possible give me some exercises that could help with my difficulty swallowing. Everyday is a new day and I am just trying to adapt to new challenges as they arrive. I am relying more and more in my faith in God to help me not get discouraged. It can be difficult when things become more difficult, but knowing that he is my source of strength gives me peace and courage. I love what Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." This is one of my favorite scripture verses, and one that I meditate upon daily, particularly if I am finding it difficult to do something. God has blessed me with a lot, and I thank him daily because I know that without Him, I would not have the wonderful blessed life that I do. Even though I am sick and face challenges daily, I am loved and blessed, and that in addition to my faith in God Almighty is what sustains me each and every day.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
As many of you know I have to practically live in a bubble to protect myself from getting infections. So technology, and social media is "my life line." I use my iPhone a lot for texting, Facebook, listening to music, playing games, spending time on hold with doctors offices, and even watching videos. So as you can imagine all of that would cause the battery to run low then if I just texted a few times, and Facebook 2 or 3 times a day. The battery life on my iPhone 5 was/is so much more better than on my previous Android phone, and many who have switched from an Android to an iPhone would agree. But because of the large amount I use my phone for things other than talking and texting a little bit, the battery does run more quickly. This prompted me to order an external battery extender, that looks like a phone cover, for $20 off of Amazon. I ordered it before the software update, and when the battery is running low, I just turn on the extender which charges the phone and allows me to continue to be able to use it while it is charging. After the software update I started noticing that the battery was running out faster than before, and many other iPhone users have said the same thing. This was done so that customers would go out and purchase one of the new iPhones that are now available in different colors. I can honestly say that if I didn't have the external battery extender, I would have gone and purchased a new iPhone. As you can see, with all the difficulties I have had with this new iOS 7 software, there is a reason why I said it was NOT an update.
On a different note things are moving along. I am really enjoying my online Art & Music Appreciation course with the Keystone School. I just completed the rough draft of my semester research paper on Thursday. When I sit at my table and do my work in the afternoon I feel like a "normal" twenty year old who would be working on schoolwork in their apartment or dorm room. I am having fun getting back into a schedule, expanding my knowledge, and learning new things. My grandmother helps me on a few things, and edits my paper, and it is a nice thing for us to spend time doing together.
Health wise things have been a bit of a challenge. I have had a lot more weakness, fatigue, joint pain, stiffness, and swelling (particularly in my feet and ankles). I had to have a swallow study this past Thursday because I have been having difficulty swallowing when I drink things. They determined its most likely from weakness and inflammation caused by my myositis. I have a wonderful PT named Dr. Price who comes out to my house and works with me, and taught my grandmother some passive stretches that shed could do for my swollen feet and ankles. I can tell you it feels absolutely wonderful. I will also have a speech therapist come and see me and possible give me some exercises that could help with my difficulty swallowing. Everyday is a new day and I am just trying to adapt to new challenges as they arrive. I am relying more and more in my faith in God to help me not get discouraged. It can be difficult when things become more difficult, but knowing that he is my source of strength gives me peace and courage. I love what Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." This is one of my favorite scripture verses, and one that I meditate upon daily, particularly if I am finding it difficult to do something. God has blessed me with a lot, and I thank him daily because I know that without Him, I would not have the wonderful blessed life that I do. Even though I am sick and face challenges daily, I am loved and blessed, and that in addition to my faith in God Almighty is what sustains me each and every day.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Striving For A New Goal
I have been doing my first online course (Art & Music Appreciation) with the Keystone School for the past month and a half. I am doing really well, and have a 98.82% average in the class. I have always enjoyed learning and school, and when I was in middle school, before I got sick, I was a straight A student in the National Junior Honor Society. After I got sick, and went back to school for my freshmen year of high school, I was not doing as well in school as I would have liked to. I could do the work academically, but physically with all of the pain, stiffness, fatigue, and getting sick practically every week, I just couldn't do it. This was extremely hard for me because ever since I was in middle school, I have always had the dream of being valedictorian of my class when I graduated. Because it was so hard for me to do well academically while I was Anderson, it seemed like that goal was completely out of reach. I wasn't even in the top ten percent of my class. When I started my first online program through UT, that dream was resurrected, but was put on hold yet again, when I got extremely sick and had to stop the program. My education focus shifted to trying to get my GED, where my goal was to get a score that would be equivalent to graduating top of my class. But when we realized that getting my GED was just not going to work out, we started researching online diploma programs, and found the Keystone School. Learning that everything can be done online or through the mail (including all tests and finals), and that I can take 1-6 courses at a time with one year to complete them from the enrollment date, we realized that it would be a great fit for me. My goal of being number one was resurrected again. When I enrolled in my AMA course, and began completing the lessons and first couple of assignments and quizzes, and was getting 100s on all of them, I started really to begin working more and more to be number one. When I got my first and then second 99, and my average went to a 98, I got upset. I felt that I had to make all 100s with just maybe one 99 to be number one, and nothing else. With my program being self-paced, I am no sure if they do typical class rankings, but I do know that by meeting certain academic criteria, that students can qualify for the National Society of High School Scholars, a goal I am striving to achieve. I am working hard at not beating myself up if my average is a 99 or 98. Having a 97 or above will make me close, if not number one.
When I started to work more and more toward this goal after starting Keystone, I began reflecting on whether or not I wanted to be number one to prove to other people that I can be top of my class despite being so sick, or whether or not it was something I wanted to do for me. I believe that if God puts a dream in someone's heart, that it is something that we should strive to achieve. He wouldn't have given us the dream if we didn't have the talent and ability to do it. When talking with my palliative care doctor, we talked about how since the circumstances regarding my illness have changed, my goals have since become more realistic and attainable. I feel that being number one in my class and when I graduate is one of those attainable goals.
I do know that I need the Lord's love, strength and guidance to achieve this, and all of my goals. I have learned that I must trust and rely on the Lord in all that I do. I know that with Him the impossible becomes possible, when it doesn't seem like it can happen in the natural, I remember that we serve a supernatural God. I love what Mark 9:23 says, "Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."It helps me to know that if I believe it is possible, than it is possible. But I must rely on the Lord. I'm continuing to work as hard as possible to reach my goal of being number one, but I also am believing that I will be as well. I know that I have many obstacles in front of me, that to some would make the goal seem extremely difficult to achieve, but that just makes me even more determined to accomplish my goal. I know that because God has put this dream in my heart, he has also put inside of me the tools needed to accomplish my dream. That is what gives me the peace and confidence I need make it come to fruition.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
When I started to work more and more toward this goal after starting Keystone, I began reflecting on whether or not I wanted to be number one to prove to other people that I can be top of my class despite being so sick, or whether or not it was something I wanted to do for me. I believe that if God puts a dream in someone's heart, that it is something that we should strive to achieve. He wouldn't have given us the dream if we didn't have the talent and ability to do it. When talking with my palliative care doctor, we talked about how since the circumstances regarding my illness have changed, my goals have since become more realistic and attainable. I feel that being number one in my class and when I graduate is one of those attainable goals.
I do know that I need the Lord's love, strength and guidance to achieve this, and all of my goals. I have learned that I must trust and rely on the Lord in all that I do. I know that with Him the impossible becomes possible, when it doesn't seem like it can happen in the natural, I remember that we serve a supernatural God. I love what Mark 9:23 says, "Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."It helps me to know that if I believe it is possible, than it is possible. But I must rely on the Lord. I'm continuing to work as hard as possible to reach my goal of being number one, but I also am believing that I will be as well. I know that I have many obstacles in front of me, that to some would make the goal seem extremely difficult to achieve, but that just makes me even more determined to accomplish my goal. I know that because God has put this dream in my heart, he has also put inside of me the tools needed to accomplish my dream. That is what gives me the peace and confidence I need make it come to fruition.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Medical Power Of Attorney & Living Wills
This past week I completed my Medical Power Of Attorney and Living Will. While I was on hospice right after being diagnosed with the blood clot in my jugular and brachial veins, and beginning the 18 month long Cytoxan treatment, we didn't know what was going to happen with me health wise (which was why hospice was involved). I had filled out what I thought was a MPOA form, but it was just one of hospice's own forms, and not the legal MPOA forms where witnesses have to sign. With the way my health has been going with no treatments beside the weekly chemo to keep me from "falling of the cliff", and palliative care being involved, my palliative care team and I decided that doing a MPOA and LW was a good idea. Being 20 years old and completing these, was a bit awkward at first. Deciding who you want to make medical decisions for you, if you are in a position in which you are not capable of doing so yourself, is not really something that people my age usually think about. I have talked a little bit with my mom and therapist (both together and individually) about what my wishes are if I were in a state in which my condition was irreversible or was going to decline quickly. I don't want to live like a vegetable, and don't want to be kept alive just for the sake of being alive. I also don't want to be in a state where I cant feed, and take care of myself, and practically drooling in a nursing home with no quality of life. For me the quality of my life is more important then the quantity. That's not to say that I don't want to live as long as the Lord allows, but I want to be able to have a somewhat decent quality of life at the same time.
While going through the emotional process of reading through all the forms with my mom, my faith really played an integral part in helping me not only decide what I wanted, but also helped to keep me emotionally sound during the process. Making these decisions require you to really think through what you want, and not just make a quick decision. I have designated my mom as the person who I want to have MPOA, because she knows, understands, and respects my wishes, and that is the number one thing when it comes to choosing a MPOA. The nurse who is on my palliative care team told me that a MPOA and LW aren't just for people who are ill, they are a really good thing for all adults to have. You never know what can happen, such as a serious car accident, an accident while doing some sort of sport or recreational activity, and even a sudden unexpected life-threatening illness where things can go downhill in a matter of days or hours. Having an MPOA and LW doesn't mean that your planning on dying or that something bad is going to happen. It just means that you have taken the steps to prepare for the unexpected. This is something that I would recommend doing whether your 20 or 80. It will give you peace of mind knowing that if something were to happen where you couldn't make medical decisions, that someone that you know and trust, and who respects your wishes, will be able to make them for you. It doesn't have to be a family member, it could be a close friend or someone else that you trust. The important thing is that you have something in place.
Going through this process helped me to be more at peace knowing that if something were to happen, that my wishes would be honored. I don't want to die, but at the same time I'm at peace knowing that when the time comes, I will be reunited with my Father in heaven. I worry of course about my family, but I know also that the Lord will be there to comfort and guide them, and His love will be what sustains them. John 10:28 says, "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." This scripture verse is so comforting, because it tells me that when it is my time to be in eternity with God, that nothing and no one can take me away from him. Hopefully it will give my family a sense of comfort to know that as well.
I don't know what the Lord has planned for my future, but I am putting all of my trust in Him. I am prepared for the worst and unexpected, but I am definitely not planning on it happening anytime soon. The Lord has laid out our lives from the beginning of time, and he knows the path that it will take. Trusting in Him is easier said than done, and it is a goal that I strive for each day. I think having a life-threatening illness, and having so many unknowns makes it even more of a challenge, and at the same time more of a necessity. I strive to please and honor Him each and every day, and he is number one, and the center of my life, the core of my being. I rely on Him and His word daily. If I go a day without praying or reading scripture, I feel so incomplete, like a part of me is missing. This roller coaster I'm on is the wildest ride of my life, and at the same time the most amazing one. I don't believe I would be who I am, nor would my faith and relationship with God would be as strong as they are if I didn't have my illness. I am finding new ways all the time in which I can use my illness as a blessing, which is a blessing in and of itself. In no way am I angry at God anymore for being sick, and I think the reason is because of the blessings that have occurred because of my illness. When something negative or difficult occurs in our life, we must search deep down for the positivity and blessings that are there, because I guarantee you they are.
On another note, health wise there is nothing to new report. I am still on my weekly chemo Methotrexate (or lemonade as I like to call it) at 25mg. I have had an increase in swelling, stiffness, and weakness, but not as quickly as a decline as when I was on 20mg. I see Dr. Carrasco on Tuesday, and I hope that he will keep continuing with the 25mg, because I do think it is keeping me at a "stable decline." I should have more to report after the appointment. This past Wednesday was the two year anniversary of being diagnosed with the blood clot in my jugular and brachial veins, and also the day they called a code on me at the hospital. I am so thankful to still be here, because when they told me I had the clot, the first thing I thought was, am I going to die. When I had the surgery to remove the abscess behind it, I had never been more scared to have surgery than I was then. Especially when the ENT said he had performed only one surgery like that before. I had to completely but my trust and faith in the Lord, and the fact that I am still here today is proof that He was guiding the doctors and the nurses, and protecting me as well. I am so blessed to be here, and each day is a gift from God. Life is so precious, and I try and live my life as though each day were my last. I know that God has more for me to do here, and I can't wait to see what he has in store for me. I will continue to live my life to the fullest, to honor the Lord in all that I do, and to share His word and love, and to minister to others. Thank you to all of my wonderful friends and family. Each one of you is a unique gift and blessing, and you each provide something special and unique to my life, and I couldn't imagine my life without each one of you. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all the love support, and encouragement that you provide to me, and to my family. May God bless each and every one of you.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
While going through the emotional process of reading through all the forms with my mom, my faith really played an integral part in helping me not only decide what I wanted, but also helped to keep me emotionally sound during the process. Making these decisions require you to really think through what you want, and not just make a quick decision. I have designated my mom as the person who I want to have MPOA, because she knows, understands, and respects my wishes, and that is the number one thing when it comes to choosing a MPOA. The nurse who is on my palliative care team told me that a MPOA and LW aren't just for people who are ill, they are a really good thing for all adults to have. You never know what can happen, such as a serious car accident, an accident while doing some sort of sport or recreational activity, and even a sudden unexpected life-threatening illness where things can go downhill in a matter of days or hours. Having an MPOA and LW doesn't mean that your planning on dying or that something bad is going to happen. It just means that you have taken the steps to prepare for the unexpected. This is something that I would recommend doing whether your 20 or 80. It will give you peace of mind knowing that if something were to happen where you couldn't make medical decisions, that someone that you know and trust, and who respects your wishes, will be able to make them for you. It doesn't have to be a family member, it could be a close friend or someone else that you trust. The important thing is that you have something in place.
Going through this process helped me to be more at peace knowing that if something were to happen, that my wishes would be honored. I don't want to die, but at the same time I'm at peace knowing that when the time comes, I will be reunited with my Father in heaven. I worry of course about my family, but I know also that the Lord will be there to comfort and guide them, and His love will be what sustains them. John 10:28 says, "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." This scripture verse is so comforting, because it tells me that when it is my time to be in eternity with God, that nothing and no one can take me away from him. Hopefully it will give my family a sense of comfort to know that as well.
I don't know what the Lord has planned for my future, but I am putting all of my trust in Him. I am prepared for the worst and unexpected, but I am definitely not planning on it happening anytime soon. The Lord has laid out our lives from the beginning of time, and he knows the path that it will take. Trusting in Him is easier said than done, and it is a goal that I strive for each day. I think having a life-threatening illness, and having so many unknowns makes it even more of a challenge, and at the same time more of a necessity. I strive to please and honor Him each and every day, and he is number one, and the center of my life, the core of my being. I rely on Him and His word daily. If I go a day without praying or reading scripture, I feel so incomplete, like a part of me is missing. This roller coaster I'm on is the wildest ride of my life, and at the same time the most amazing one. I don't believe I would be who I am, nor would my faith and relationship with God would be as strong as they are if I didn't have my illness. I am finding new ways all the time in which I can use my illness as a blessing, which is a blessing in and of itself. In no way am I angry at God anymore for being sick, and I think the reason is because of the blessings that have occurred because of my illness. When something negative or difficult occurs in our life, we must search deep down for the positivity and blessings that are there, because I guarantee you they are.
On another note, health wise there is nothing to new report. I am still on my weekly chemo Methotrexate (or lemonade as I like to call it) at 25mg. I have had an increase in swelling, stiffness, and weakness, but not as quickly as a decline as when I was on 20mg. I see Dr. Carrasco on Tuesday, and I hope that he will keep continuing with the 25mg, because I do think it is keeping me at a "stable decline." I should have more to report after the appointment. This past Wednesday was the two year anniversary of being diagnosed with the blood clot in my jugular and brachial veins, and also the day they called a code on me at the hospital. I am so thankful to still be here, because when they told me I had the clot, the first thing I thought was, am I going to die. When I had the surgery to remove the abscess behind it, I had never been more scared to have surgery than I was then. Especially when the ENT said he had performed only one surgery like that before. I had to completely but my trust and faith in the Lord, and the fact that I am still here today is proof that He was guiding the doctors and the nurses, and protecting me as well. I am so blessed to be here, and each day is a gift from God. Life is so precious, and I try and live my life as though each day were my last. I know that God has more for me to do here, and I can't wait to see what he has in store for me. I will continue to live my life to the fullest, to honor the Lord in all that I do, and to share His word and love, and to minister to others. Thank you to all of my wonderful friends and family. Each one of you is a unique gift and blessing, and you each provide something special and unique to my life, and I couldn't imagine my life without each one of you. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all the love support, and encouragement that you provide to me, and to my family. May God bless each and every one of you.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Back To School Time Yet Again, But Not For Me
Note: I wrote a post last year around this time about the back to school season, and me not going to school. If some of the stuff seems a bit redundant I apologize As long as I continue to have this blog (and being of an age where I would be doing some sort of education), I will be posting about back to school and the end of school, and the impact this time of year has on me because I am not able to go to school. With my mom working in education, I can't seem to escape the "school" schedule. So please bear with me.
Its that time of year again, when we begin to see the commercials on TV advertising back to school sales for clothes and shoes. Staples and Office Depot advertise the specials their having on the latest notebooks, backpacks, pencils, and all the other school supplies you can imagine. Wal-Mart, HEB, and other grocery stores advertise the sales and deals that their having on quick breakfasts, and items typically found in kids lunch boxes, as well as some general school supplies. And side-tracking for a minute, it seems that each year the notebooks, rulers, calculators, backpacks, other school supplies, and now tablets are looking more colorful and appealing. What happened to the simple blue, red, green, and yellow spirals and binders, and wooden or clear plastic rulers? I admit I love all the bright and new school supplies, when I go into an office supply store, I am like a kid in a candy store. But getting back on track now, seeing all of these commercials and advertisements for back to school stuff, has always been the sign for me ever since I can remember, that summer is winding down and school is preparing to start. Now its a sign that my mom is headed back to work after having a few weeks off, and that I, unlike my friends, am not preparing to return to school (college). Its a very tough time for me emotionally because its just another reminder of what my illness has taken a way from me, my ability to be able to attend college. Me being the Type-A, organized planner that I am, I would be healthy (or at least having my disease under control), and taking classes at Texas State University in San Marcos, where I would be getting my undergraduate degree in child development, and have a job maybe being a nanny or babysitter to a family, and then earning my child-life track degree (the equivalence of a masters), becoming a child-life specialist working in the Hem/Onc or BMT unit at Children's Medical Center in Dallas or Texas Children's in Houston, or working as a child-life specialist for palliative care and/or hospice. Instead, I am trying to figure out how I am going to get my diploma, with my condition steadily declining, and me continuing to do weekly chemo, the combination of the two causing issues with memory and my ability to focus.
Its difficult to see my friends have jobs, progress in college, live on their own and be able to drive and be independent. I on the other hand have never able to learn how to drive a car, have been to sick to get my diploma, need help with daily tasks, not being able to walk without a walker, or very far for that matter, and cannot be left alone for more than a few hours. I think for me the most difficult thing to deal with, aside from the physical issues, is my education. I have always done well in school, have a passion for learning, and before I got sick, was a straight A student, and a member of the National Junior Honor Society. Seeing and hearing about back to school, just brings back the flood of emotions I have about not being able to graduate from high school with my friends, and attend college. I have been turning to God, and talking with friends and my therapist, to help me deal with all that I am feeling. I think whats harder than not actually being able to go to college, is that because of my memory and focus issues, I can't study for more than 30 minutes at a time, with an hour to an hour and a half break needed, to where collectively I can only study about two hours a day. For someone who has a passion for learning, I feel as though that I have this bright mind trapped inside this sick body.
I have had to learn to accept the fact that my body is not strong, and that one of the many side-effects of the medicine that is keeping me alive, and giving me some sort of a quality of life, as well as my illness itself, is that I have difficulty with memory and focus. My faith and the Lord help me to know that this is not something that I can control, and its not because of something I did or didn't do, its just the reality of the situation. I pray that God will give me the strength that I need to be able to function as best that I can. I know that God did not do this to me, but my faith in him has helped me to try to stay as positive and joyful as I can. Studies have shown that a negative outlook and attitude does have an affect on whether or not a person can improve or get worse health wise. Ephesians 4:23 says, "...to be made new in the attitude of your minds:..." I love this verse, because it helps me to know that with a positive and joyful attitude and mind, I can be fresh and new. This encourages me to stay positive during this time of year, when things can be emotionally difficult. I can't change the situation, but I know that with positive mindset, love and support from my friends and family, and faith and strength in God, I can learn to accept the fact that my life is different then what I hoped or imagined it would be, but it is still wonderful and blessed. That is what matters most.
On another note, things have been as "stable" as possible health wise. I had chemo yesterday, and am feeling a bit blah, but Sunday is the worst because the IV anti-nausea meds have worn off. I have been having some difficulty in getting some lab work that Dr. Carrasco ordered. Apparently it cannot be drawn out of my port-o-cath because the heparin they use to prevent clots would interfere with the particular tests he needs. Unfortunately because my veins are so sclerotic and damaged from all the chemo, and steroids, and because blood can't be drawn out of my left arm due to the blood clot in my neck, none of the labs will draw from me. The nurses were going to do it peripherally yesterday while I was at chemo, but I found out that one of the tests required that I needed to be fasting 12 hours before the test. I had known about the tests for a while, but this was the first time that I heard that I needed to fast. I first thought I will just fast before my next chemo, but I realized with all the meds and the chemo, fasting before would not be a good idea because I would get a really bad headache and get sick. With all the meds that I take (a lot of which require I eat something), I don't usually fast unless I absolutely have to, like I am being sedated for a procedure. This coming Thursday, I will be having both wrists, knees, and ankles injected with steroids. This will be done at Dell Children's Hospital, and since I will be sedated for the procedure, which will require me to fast, I am hoping they can do the blood work their, since they have nurses and anesthesiologists that know how to do IV on difficult patients. I have had these injections a few times before, and although they didn't work as well as they were supposed to, for as long as they were supposed to, with all the difficulty I am having now I would rather have a little relief then none. I am definitely a bit sore afterwards, but I know it will go away in a few days. Please pray that these injections will provide me more relief than they have in the past, and for a longer period. I appreciate all the love, support, and encouragement from all of you. Each one of you are truly a blessing to me and my family. I can't say thank you enough.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Its that time of year again, when we begin to see the commercials on TV advertising back to school sales for clothes and shoes. Staples and Office Depot advertise the specials their having on the latest notebooks, backpacks, pencils, and all the other school supplies you can imagine. Wal-Mart, HEB, and other grocery stores advertise the sales and deals that their having on quick breakfasts, and items typically found in kids lunch boxes, as well as some general school supplies. And side-tracking for a minute, it seems that each year the notebooks, rulers, calculators, backpacks, other school supplies, and now tablets are looking more colorful and appealing. What happened to the simple blue, red, green, and yellow spirals and binders, and wooden or clear plastic rulers? I admit I love all the bright and new school supplies, when I go into an office supply store, I am like a kid in a candy store. But getting back on track now, seeing all of these commercials and advertisements for back to school stuff, has always been the sign for me ever since I can remember, that summer is winding down and school is preparing to start. Now its a sign that my mom is headed back to work after having a few weeks off, and that I, unlike my friends, am not preparing to return to school (college). Its a very tough time for me emotionally because its just another reminder of what my illness has taken a way from me, my ability to be able to attend college. Me being the Type-A, organized planner that I am, I would be healthy (or at least having my disease under control), and taking classes at Texas State University in San Marcos, where I would be getting my undergraduate degree in child development, and have a job maybe being a nanny or babysitter to a family, and then earning my child-life track degree (the equivalence of a masters), becoming a child-life specialist working in the Hem/Onc or BMT unit at Children's Medical Center in Dallas or Texas Children's in Houston, or working as a child-life specialist for palliative care and/or hospice. Instead, I am trying to figure out how I am going to get my diploma, with my condition steadily declining, and me continuing to do weekly chemo, the combination of the two causing issues with memory and my ability to focus.
Its difficult to see my friends have jobs, progress in college, live on their own and be able to drive and be independent. I on the other hand have never able to learn how to drive a car, have been to sick to get my diploma, need help with daily tasks, not being able to walk without a walker, or very far for that matter, and cannot be left alone for more than a few hours. I think for me the most difficult thing to deal with, aside from the physical issues, is my education. I have always done well in school, have a passion for learning, and before I got sick, was a straight A student, and a member of the National Junior Honor Society. Seeing and hearing about back to school, just brings back the flood of emotions I have about not being able to graduate from high school with my friends, and attend college. I have been turning to God, and talking with friends and my therapist, to help me deal with all that I am feeling. I think whats harder than not actually being able to go to college, is that because of my memory and focus issues, I can't study for more than 30 minutes at a time, with an hour to an hour and a half break needed, to where collectively I can only study about two hours a day. For someone who has a passion for learning, I feel as though that I have this bright mind trapped inside this sick body.
I have had to learn to accept the fact that my body is not strong, and that one of the many side-effects of the medicine that is keeping me alive, and giving me some sort of a quality of life, as well as my illness itself, is that I have difficulty with memory and focus. My faith and the Lord help me to know that this is not something that I can control, and its not because of something I did or didn't do, its just the reality of the situation. I pray that God will give me the strength that I need to be able to function as best that I can. I know that God did not do this to me, but my faith in him has helped me to try to stay as positive and joyful as I can. Studies have shown that a negative outlook and attitude does have an affect on whether or not a person can improve or get worse health wise. Ephesians 4:23 says, "...to be made new in the attitude of your minds:..." I love this verse, because it helps me to know that with a positive and joyful attitude and mind, I can be fresh and new. This encourages me to stay positive during this time of year, when things can be emotionally difficult. I can't change the situation, but I know that with positive mindset, love and support from my friends and family, and faith and strength in God, I can learn to accept the fact that my life is different then what I hoped or imagined it would be, but it is still wonderful and blessed. That is what matters most.
On another note, things have been as "stable" as possible health wise. I had chemo yesterday, and am feeling a bit blah, but Sunday is the worst because the IV anti-nausea meds have worn off. I have been having some difficulty in getting some lab work that Dr. Carrasco ordered. Apparently it cannot be drawn out of my port-o-cath because the heparin they use to prevent clots would interfere with the particular tests he needs. Unfortunately because my veins are so sclerotic and damaged from all the chemo, and steroids, and because blood can't be drawn out of my left arm due to the blood clot in my neck, none of the labs will draw from me. The nurses were going to do it peripherally yesterday while I was at chemo, but I found out that one of the tests required that I needed to be fasting 12 hours before the test. I had known about the tests for a while, but this was the first time that I heard that I needed to fast. I first thought I will just fast before my next chemo, but I realized with all the meds and the chemo, fasting before would not be a good idea because I would get a really bad headache and get sick. With all the meds that I take (a lot of which require I eat something), I don't usually fast unless I absolutely have to, like I am being sedated for a procedure. This coming Thursday, I will be having both wrists, knees, and ankles injected with steroids. This will be done at Dell Children's Hospital, and since I will be sedated for the procedure, which will require me to fast, I am hoping they can do the blood work their, since they have nurses and anesthesiologists that know how to do IV on difficult patients. I have had these injections a few times before, and although they didn't work as well as they were supposed to, for as long as they were supposed to, with all the difficulty I am having now I would rather have a little relief then none. I am definitely a bit sore afterwards, but I know it will go away in a few days. Please pray that these injections will provide me more relief than they have in the past, and for a longer period. I appreciate all the love, support, and encouragement from all of you. Each one of you are truly a blessing to me and my family. I can't say thank you enough.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Mini Vacation
This past Monday, my mom and I went to the Hyatt Hill Country Spa & Resort in San Antonio, and we came back Thursday. It was so wonderful to be able to get away for a bit, and relax, and come back refreshed and rejuvenated. A bonus was that we didn't have an extremely long car trip, but we were far enough that we felt like we were really away. The hotel was beautiful, and reminded me a lot of the Hyatt Lost Pines in Bastrop. This one seemed to be a better place to go in the summer time, with their multiple pools and other amenities. The Lost Pines seemed like a better place to go for the winter time. The first night we scoped the place out, and had dinner at their restaurant (which wasn't to bad), and then went up to our room to hang out and relax. The room was big, and very handicap accessible, so that was really nice. The next morning we took our time, and ordered some room service (it was pretty pricey, so we only did it that one time). We then headed over to the Wildflower Salon & Spa. It was a long walk, and pushing a wheelchair makes it even more difficult. We didn't know that they had a golf cart that could drive us to the spa and back, so we did that when we were done with our appointments, and the next day as well. It was such blessing to be able to have that amenity, and the driver/valet guy Chris really helped us during our stay when it came to transport. All of the staff was very friendly and helpful. Our first full day, we both got 90 minute massages, and mine was a therapeutic massage. It was HEAVENLY. I really wanted to have my feet and ankles massaged because they are swollen, as well as my hands and wrists. The therapist massaged all the areas that I wanted worked on, and she started and finished with my feet/ankles, which is exactly what I wanted. I know I have had a good massage when I don't want it to end, and I didn't want it to. Its interesting because nothing really helps alleviate the swelling in my feet and ankles, but when they get massaged, the swelling can go down for an hour our two, it may not be very long, but its an hour or two of bliss. After we were relaxed from our massages, one of my mom's best friend's from her PhD program at UT, Susan, who lives in San Antonio, and basically right down the road from the hotel, came and joined us at the hotel, where we hung out by the pool and had pina coladas (mine was a virgin of course) and hamburgers. Unfortunately shortly after we finished eating it started to rain, so we went back up to the room, and freshened up. Since we had a few hours to kill before dinner, we decided as a spur of the moment thing to go to the movies, and ended up going to see the Channing Tatum flick White House Down. It was pretty good, although we were a bit disappointed he didn't take his shirt off so we could see his "hot bod", but he looks good no matter what he is wearing. Afterwards we headed to a local Mexican restaurant, where I had delicious enchiladas with a tomatillo sauce, and a chocolate and flan cake for a treat. When we go out of town anywhere we like to go to places that are local. We don't want to go to an Outback Steakhouse or an Olive Garden, since we can go there here in Austin. Plus when your in San Antonio you have to get Mexican food, and the restaurant that we went to used fresh ingredients, and you could definitely tell. We were so full that we practically crashed right when we got back to the room. We both had a restful sleep, thanks to being so relaxed from our massages.
The next morning mom went down to the "general store" in the hotel, and got us some Starbuck's coffee, and some banana nut bread and a bagel. Although they serve Starbuck's coffee their, it didn't taste like the coffee at Starbuck's, but it was good. My mom and I are coffee addicts, just like Lorelai and Rory in Gilmore Girls. After having a lazy morning taking our time, we went back to the spa. My mom didn't know if Susan was going to hang out with us again, because she didn't want me to feel that she was infringing on our mother-daugher time. I liked Susan a lot and asked if she wanted to hang out with us again, and mom was able to get her in for a last minute head and neck massage at the same time as we were getting our spa treatments. She was really excited about it, and she deserves it for working so hard both at her job, and on her dissertation for her PhD. Mom got a facial, and I got a second 90 minute massage. It was just as good as the first one (I had a different therapist though), and she worked on the areas I wanted her to focus on (particularly feet/ankles and hands/wrists), and just like the first one, she started and finished with the feet/ankles. And, the swelling went down for about an hour or two. After our treatments, we had some of the little snacks they had, and ordered lunch to be brought to us at the pool at the spa. The spa pool was so nice and relaxing, and there were no kids like there are at the activity pool, so that was nice. There were maybe 2 or 3 other people that came to the pool, but they sat farther from us an were relaxing themselves. After our poolside lunch, we went into the hot tub. The warm water felt so good on my muscles and joints, and it was even better because I had just finished the massage. We then just hung outside, got some sun, got in the pool (which was a bit more chilly then I would prefer), and relaxed. We then freshened up, and went to dinner at another local restaurant called Stone Werks. It reminds me a lot of Cool River here in Austin, and has a variety of food. We started of with a wonderful shrimp cocktail (my mom and I love shrimp), I had their delicious special pork chop with an apricot sauce, and carrots and wedged potatoes. We finished it off by splitting a delicious brownie topped with ice cream, and of course coffee. We went back to the hotel, said goodbye to Susan, and relaxed watching Royal Pains and Necessary Roughness, and playing Words With Friends. I just recently introduced my mom and grandmother to Words With Friends, and now they are addicted. The next morning we took our time, packed up, headed downstairs to hotel's buffet breakfast, which was pretty good, and then headed out on the road back to Austin.
I am so thankful and blessed that my mom and I were given the opportunity to be able to go on this mini getaway, and spend time with each other, and a good friend. We have both been under a lot of stress lately, each of us dealing with different things (but some are the same), and my mom is going back to work next Friday. My mom has been working EXTREMELY hard, doing three different jobs. I can't express how proud I am of her and all that she has done. She has overcome a lot, and definitely deserved this vacation. I know that there are many people who can't afford to go on vacations like we were able to do, and that helps me to be thankful for all the wonderful blessings God has given me. Yes, my family and I are going through a lot right now with my illness, and other things, but there are more blessings and love then there are difficulties, stress and hardships. I thank God that he has provided for my family what we need, and I believe that this getaway was something that we needed. Some may not agree with that, but I believe that is was necessary, so that we were able to relax and take our minds off of all the stress at home and work, and to come back refreshed and rejuvenated, both physically and mentally. Colossians 1:11 says, "...being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience." I love this scripture verse, because I feel that it embodies what this vacation did for us. It allowed us to be able to relax, (for me to be able to mediate and have that one on one time with God) and be renewed so that we came back mentally strengthened so that we can endure the difficulties that we are facing, and be patient when dealing with everything. My mom and I are feeling a bit renewed and refreshed, and are trying to enjoy these last days before she has to go back to work. I know that this vacation, and others like it, are not something that we can do very often. I think that is what allows us to really slow down and enjoy every moment of it, because we know that it could be another year before we can enjoy doing something like it again. I also feel that it is important to try to get away for a day or two if you can, so that you can be renewed and strengthened even more. If you don't have the means to travel, light some scented candles, turn off the lights and enjoy a nice hot bubble bath or shower with scented soaps. Sit outside and close your eyes, and let the sun warm your face and relax you. If its rainy and yucky outside, curl up on the couch or bed with a blanket and watch a good movie with some popcorn, read a good book with your favorite cup of coffee or tea, or take a nice long nap. Anything that helps you to relax, and allows you to feel refreshed and strengthened, do it. Its important for all of us (whether we have a chronic illness or not) to take time and slow down from the hectic, stressful things that life brings. Especially now that the school year is about to start, stress levels and chaos will increase. But if once in awhile we take time, even if its just an hour, to slow down and recharge, we will have the endurance and patience to deal with whatever life brings.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
The next morning mom went down to the "general store" in the hotel, and got us some Starbuck's coffee, and some banana nut bread and a bagel. Although they serve Starbuck's coffee their, it didn't taste like the coffee at Starbuck's, but it was good. My mom and I are coffee addicts, just like Lorelai and Rory in Gilmore Girls. After having a lazy morning taking our time, we went back to the spa. My mom didn't know if Susan was going to hang out with us again, because she didn't want me to feel that she was infringing on our mother-daugher time. I liked Susan a lot and asked if she wanted to hang out with us again, and mom was able to get her in for a last minute head and neck massage at the same time as we were getting our spa treatments. She was really excited about it, and she deserves it for working so hard both at her job, and on her dissertation for her PhD. Mom got a facial, and I got a second 90 minute massage. It was just as good as the first one (I had a different therapist though), and she worked on the areas I wanted her to focus on (particularly feet/ankles and hands/wrists), and just like the first one, she started and finished with the feet/ankles. And, the swelling went down for about an hour or two. After our treatments, we had some of the little snacks they had, and ordered lunch to be brought to us at the pool at the spa. The spa pool was so nice and relaxing, and there were no kids like there are at the activity pool, so that was nice. There were maybe 2 or 3 other people that came to the pool, but they sat farther from us an were relaxing themselves. After our poolside lunch, we went into the hot tub. The warm water felt so good on my muscles and joints, and it was even better because I had just finished the massage. We then just hung outside, got some sun, got in the pool (which was a bit more chilly then I would prefer), and relaxed. We then freshened up, and went to dinner at another local restaurant called Stone Werks. It reminds me a lot of Cool River here in Austin, and has a variety of food. We started of with a wonderful shrimp cocktail (my mom and I love shrimp), I had their delicious special pork chop with an apricot sauce, and carrots and wedged potatoes. We finished it off by splitting a delicious brownie topped with ice cream, and of course coffee. We went back to the hotel, said goodbye to Susan, and relaxed watching Royal Pains and Necessary Roughness, and playing Words With Friends. I just recently introduced my mom and grandmother to Words With Friends, and now they are addicted. The next morning we took our time, packed up, headed downstairs to hotel's buffet breakfast, which was pretty good, and then headed out on the road back to Austin.
I am so thankful and blessed that my mom and I were given the opportunity to be able to go on this mini getaway, and spend time with each other, and a good friend. We have both been under a lot of stress lately, each of us dealing with different things (but some are the same), and my mom is going back to work next Friday. My mom has been working EXTREMELY hard, doing three different jobs. I can't express how proud I am of her and all that she has done. She has overcome a lot, and definitely deserved this vacation. I know that there are many people who can't afford to go on vacations like we were able to do, and that helps me to be thankful for all the wonderful blessings God has given me. Yes, my family and I are going through a lot right now with my illness, and other things, but there are more blessings and love then there are difficulties, stress and hardships. I thank God that he has provided for my family what we need, and I believe that this getaway was something that we needed. Some may not agree with that, but I believe that is was necessary, so that we were able to relax and take our minds off of all the stress at home and work, and to come back refreshed and rejuvenated, both physically and mentally. Colossians 1:11 says, "...being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience." I love this scripture verse, because I feel that it embodies what this vacation did for us. It allowed us to be able to relax, (for me to be able to mediate and have that one on one time with God) and be renewed so that we came back mentally strengthened so that we can endure the difficulties that we are facing, and be patient when dealing with everything. My mom and I are feeling a bit renewed and refreshed, and are trying to enjoy these last days before she has to go back to work. I know that this vacation, and others like it, are not something that we can do very often. I think that is what allows us to really slow down and enjoy every moment of it, because we know that it could be another year before we can enjoy doing something like it again. I also feel that it is important to try to get away for a day or two if you can, so that you can be renewed and strengthened even more. If you don't have the means to travel, light some scented candles, turn off the lights and enjoy a nice hot bubble bath or shower with scented soaps. Sit outside and close your eyes, and let the sun warm your face and relax you. If its rainy and yucky outside, curl up on the couch or bed with a blanket and watch a good movie with some popcorn, read a good book with your favorite cup of coffee or tea, or take a nice long nap. Anything that helps you to relax, and allows you to feel refreshed and strengthened, do it. Its important for all of us (whether we have a chronic illness or not) to take time and slow down from the hectic, stressful things that life brings. Especially now that the school year is about to start, stress levels and chaos will increase. But if once in awhile we take time, even if its just an hour, to slow down and recharge, we will have the endurance and patience to deal with whatever life brings.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Sunday, July 14, 2013
More Lemonade
This past Thursday I had an appointment with Dr. Carrasco (pediatric rheumatologist). He was extremely concerned at how bad I looked symptom wise. I had a lot of joint swelling, pain and stiffness, and a lot of muscle weakness as well. The rash on my face was very present, and my hands and feet were turning blue, and purple, and were very cold to the touch, and my tachycardia (high heart rate) has returned. He hasn't seen my hands and feet do that since I first saw him as a sophomore in high school. He (as well as Dr. CB the Hem/Onc doctor) was very concerned at how quickly I was declining, as the weekly Methotrexate chemo was being lowered, and I was at 20mg (down 15mg from 35mg). I told both him, and Dr. CB, that I know the goal is to taper me down 5mg every 2 weeks, stay at 20mg for about a month, and then go back down and eventually be completely off of it. I know that being on chemo long term, especially at the dose and frequency that I am on, has risks, but I feel that since I am getting worse so quickly when we went down 15 mg, that I am afraid going down even more could be very bad. I know the Methotrexate is not working as well as its supposed to, but its keeping me at a "steady decline", and I fear that going down would cause things to explode. Could their be a possibility that we stay at the 20mg longer? Dr. CB even suggested going back up a little bit and doing a slower tapering. Both Dr. Carrasco and Dr. CB agreed that going down would not be good (15mg is given by injection as opposed to IV, and having been on almost every dose of Methotrexate, I feel it would be the equivalent of injecting water). Dr. Carrasco decided to increase it back up to 25mg, and he would reevaluate me in two months. If there would be any benefit from it, it would take 2-4 months for it to show up. An increase of 5mg doesn't sound like a lot, but its 25% more, which is quite a bit. I definitely had/have mixed emotions about the increase of "lemonade". I was hoping that he would keep it at 20mg, but I know that this is better. There is a concern that because I have been on Methotrexate for so long, and have been at 25 before, that it could not have any effect on me, but we shall see. Dr. Carrasco also recommended joint injections of steroids in my ankles and wrists, which will be done by the interventional radiologist. I have also been having issues where my knee(s) pops in and out of place, and people experience that all the time, but because my joints are so bad, and the muscles in my thighs are so week that they can't support them, the fall risks becomes high. When we thought that I was going to get the BMT, I visited the orthopedist about this problem, and he said that if he went in and fixed it, while my muscles are so weak because my disease isn't under control, it wouldn't be beneficial. He said after you have your BMT, and your disease is under control, and your muscles are stronger, come back and I will fix it. Well obviously the BMT is not happening, and I am still having this problems. I was doing exercises to keep the muscles conditioned as much as I could, but my joints and muscles got so much worse, that the PT told me to stop because I was losing more muscle then I was conditioning and strengthening them. Both the PT and Dr. Carrasco said, that because I can walk short distances with the walker, that is my exercise, and I need to maintain that as much as I can. If I fall, then my ability to walk would be compromised. Dr. Carrasco said because I am not on any biologics (Enbrel, Humira, etc.) now is the time to get me knee(s) fixed. I meet with the orthopedist a week from tomorrow to discuss what to do. As you can imagine absorbing all this information is mind boggling, and we are trying to process it as much as we can.
On another note, I have been staying with my mom since 4th of July, and will continue to until she goes back to work Friday, July 26th. Both she and I don't understand why their first day back is a Friday, instead of Monday the 29th, but who knows? We are leaving tomorrow for the Hyatt Hill Country Spa & Resort in San Antonio. We are so SUPER excited to be able to get away. Its nice because San Antonio is not a very long car ride, but its far enough to where you feel like you've gotten away. We both can't wait to go to the spa, and I am really looking forward to my massages, particularly having my feet and ankles rubbed, because they are so swollen. I could have my feet and ankles massaged all day, everyday. I am just trying to stay as relaxed and stress free as possible. I have gotten to see some friends, and look forward to seeing more of them. Two of my best friends and I are trying to plan a trip in August, but with all three of us living in different cities, and having busy schedules, it complicates things. But we are going to try are absolute hardest to make it work.
Lately, I have been turning a lot to scripture, prayer and God, to help me deal with all that has been going on. I expected to have a worsening of my symptoms, but didn't expect it to happen so quickly, and dealing with that has been a challenge. My family and I have been having to practice patience A LOT because of "chemo brain" and fatigue. I have been having difficulty focusing, and remembering things, such as if I have told someone something already or not. I have had times when it has taken me 30 minutes just to get through a paragraph. I have been relying on God to help me deal with this, as well as with the increase in physical symptoms. I love what Colossians 1:11 says, "...being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,..." I think this scripture verse is so wonderful, because it helps me to know that the Lord's power is what is strengthening me so that I can have endurance and patience, two things that are necessary in dealing with everything. Trusting and relying on God is an important and difficult thing to do. But I know that by surrendering everything to Him, I will be given the strength and endurance to get through this journey. Without God, I am weak, but with Him I will have exceedingly and abundantly more than I could have ever imagined. And that gives me peace.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
On another note, I have been staying with my mom since 4th of July, and will continue to until she goes back to work Friday, July 26th. Both she and I don't understand why their first day back is a Friday, instead of Monday the 29th, but who knows? We are leaving tomorrow for the Hyatt Hill Country Spa & Resort in San Antonio. We are so SUPER excited to be able to get away. Its nice because San Antonio is not a very long car ride, but its far enough to where you feel like you've gotten away. We both can't wait to go to the spa, and I am really looking forward to my massages, particularly having my feet and ankles rubbed, because they are so swollen. I could have my feet and ankles massaged all day, everyday. I am just trying to stay as relaxed and stress free as possible. I have gotten to see some friends, and look forward to seeing more of them. Two of my best friends and I are trying to plan a trip in August, but with all three of us living in different cities, and having busy schedules, it complicates things. But we are going to try are absolute hardest to make it work.
Lately, I have been turning a lot to scripture, prayer and God, to help me deal with all that has been going on. I expected to have a worsening of my symptoms, but didn't expect it to happen so quickly, and dealing with that has been a challenge. My family and I have been having to practice patience A LOT because of "chemo brain" and fatigue. I have been having difficulty focusing, and remembering things, such as if I have told someone something already or not. I have had times when it has taken me 30 minutes just to get through a paragraph. I have been relying on God to help me deal with this, as well as with the increase in physical symptoms. I love what Colossians 1:11 says, "...being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,..." I think this scripture verse is so wonderful, because it helps me to know that the Lord's power is what is strengthening me so that I can have endurance and patience, two things that are necessary in dealing with everything. Trusting and relying on God is an important and difficult thing to do. But I know that by surrendering everything to Him, I will be given the strength and endurance to get through this journey. Without God, I am weak, but with Him I will have exceedingly and abundantly more than I could have ever imagined. And that gives me peace.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Happy 4th Of July
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!! Today is the day in which we celebrate our country's independence. I am so blessed to live in a free country. When I watch the news, and read and hear about other countries around the world, where people (particularly women) have limited rights. In Muslim countries, women have to go out covered pretty much from head to toe, they are not aloud to vote, some countries do not allow people to have freedom of religion, and will arrest and even kill those who are Christians. Some governments ration out things such as food where only the elite are given adequate food and housing, and the poor are not. I think of all the wonderful freedoms that I have in this country. I am aloud to where what I want, to vote, to practice my faith, listen to the types of music, and read the kind of books that I want to. I am not discriminated against because of my race, religious beliefs, gender, or sexual orientation. Today, we celebrate these and other freedoms, and remember those who have given their lives, and fight for our country, and will continue to do so. I am saddened that those in other countries are not given the same rights and freedoms that we have, and I pray that their governments and societies will move forward and allow them to have some if not all of the freedoms that we do. I am proud to be an American, and live in this wonderful country. I love what Psalm 119:45 says, "I will walk about in freedom...". I think that is such a wonderful piece of scripture. I think it embodies what we have here in America, because we are aloud to walk and live in freedom. We have laws to keep us safe and protect us, but we are free to say what we want, believe what we want, and do what we want (within reason), and that is a true gift and blessing.
I have no big plans for the 4th. My mom, grandparents, and I, and I believe a second or third cousin on my moms side are going to my Great Great Aunt Martha's house, where my grandfather is grilling salmon and steak, and we are having, a corn pudding of some kind, pea salad, and dessert. My mouth is already watering. Health wise I'm hanging in there. I had steroid injections in my SI joints yesterday, as well as trigger point injections in my neck. Luckily I had some sedation to take the edge off the pain. I am a bit sore but nothing I can't handle. I'm hoping in the long run, that this will help with some of my pain. I am down to 20mg of the weekly Methotrexate, and have noticed an increase in symptoms. I meet with my Hem/Onc doctor, Dr. CB tomorrow, and Dr. Carrasco next Thursday. I know they were going to keep me at 20mg for a month or two, but I'm going to ask if they can keep me on it longer. I know being on chemotherapy long term can be problematic, but if they are not going to give me any other treatment, I am willing to take the risk, and deal with the side-effects of the chemo versus feeling and getting worse from my diseases. I am happy that I get to spend about 3 weeks with my mom, and from the 15-18th were going to the Hill Country Hyatt in San Antonio for a little getaway which should be really nice. They have a spa there, and I can't wait to get my feet and ankles massaged. I hope everybody is doing well, and those of you who are in Texas, I hope you can stay cool in this Texas heat. I hope everybody has a safe, fun, and happy 4th of July, and we can all remember, be thankful for, and celebrate our precious freedom.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
I have no big plans for the 4th. My mom, grandparents, and I, and I believe a second or third cousin on my moms side are going to my Great Great Aunt Martha's house, where my grandfather is grilling salmon and steak, and we are having, a corn pudding of some kind, pea salad, and dessert. My mouth is already watering. Health wise I'm hanging in there. I had steroid injections in my SI joints yesterday, as well as trigger point injections in my neck. Luckily I had some sedation to take the edge off the pain. I am a bit sore but nothing I can't handle. I'm hoping in the long run, that this will help with some of my pain. I am down to 20mg of the weekly Methotrexate, and have noticed an increase in symptoms. I meet with my Hem/Onc doctor, Dr. CB tomorrow, and Dr. Carrasco next Thursday. I know they were going to keep me at 20mg for a month or two, but I'm going to ask if they can keep me on it longer. I know being on chemotherapy long term can be problematic, but if they are not going to give me any other treatment, I am willing to take the risk, and deal with the side-effects of the chemo versus feeling and getting worse from my diseases. I am happy that I get to spend about 3 weeks with my mom, and from the 15-18th were going to the Hill Country Hyatt in San Antonio for a little getaway which should be really nice. They have a spa there, and I can't wait to get my feet and ankles massaged. I hope everybody is doing well, and those of you who are in Texas, I hope you can stay cool in this Texas heat. I hope everybody has a safe, fun, and happy 4th of July, and we can all remember, be thankful for, and celebrate our precious freedom.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Sunday's Speech
This past Sunday I spoke at the adult Sunday school at my church, where I shared my story of the journey of my illness, and how my faith has played a significant role in being able to handle everything that I have been through. I was also pleased that my dad, step mom, brother and sister were able to come and hear it. They came down to have dinner with me the previous night, and were able to stay and hear the speech. At least seventy-five people were their and I didn't expect that it would touch and inspire so many people. My grandmother said that nobody was fidgeting in their seats, nobody got up and left or talked to their neighbor. I also didn't expect people to cry, but they did. Even I got teary eyed a couple of times, and I did not expect that. I had numerous people come up to talk to me afterward to say how inspired they were, and how they didn't know all of what I had been through, and have gotten sweet and encouraging cards since then. My grandmother also said many people, including former Sunday school teachers from when I was younger, come up to her and said similar things.
For awhile I have had this void, because I have always been the type of person who enjoys volunteering, doing service projects, and being a blessing and encouraging others, and because of my illness I have felt I have been more on the receiving end instead of the giving. I had been praying that God will help me to find a way to be a blessing and encourage and inspire others. When I got the opportunity to share my story, and heard how people were excited and looking forward to hearing it, I felt that void could begin to be filled. It wasn't until after I shared my story that I really felt that void actually beginning to be filled. I have been thinking lately about what I could do in life, knowing what the situation is/could be with my illness. I realized that I could continue blogging, and eventually turn the blogs into a book. I can also try and look for religious organizations, magazines, and websites that would allow me to share my story of illness and faith. I also would like to start volunteering in the playrooms at Dell Children's, work more with the Make-A-Wish Foundation, and maybe even start a teenagers with arthritis support group through my pediatric rheumatologists office. I feel that these things are what I am called to do. I love what 1 Corinthians 9:23 says, "I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings." I think that this scripture is so true. I feel that by sharing my story and helping others, I am doing it for both therm and God, and at the same time everyone will be blessed. I also love Romans 15:29 which says, "I know that when I come to you, I will come in the full measure of the blessing of Christ." This piece of scripture comforts me, because it helps me to know that by doing what the Lord calls me to do, I will receive his blessings, because I am being called to be a blessing, and to encourage and inspires others.
On a different note, things are going along. I am down to 20 mg of the weekly Methotrexate, which I like to call "lemonade", because its yellow, and lemonade sounds like a positive way to describe a poison. With this lower dose, I am experiencing more symptoms, including increased joint pain, swelling and stiffness, increased muscle weakness, shortness of breath, and fatigue. They have increased my methadone to 40 mg from 30mg. I am not sure how long they will keep me on the 20, before going down to 15, but because I am feeling worse, I hope that it is for a little while at least. I meet with my Hem/Onc doctor, Dr. Cline-Burkhardt (Dr. CB) next Friday, and Dr. Carrasco the following week. I was pleased to have some fun in the past two weeks. I had dinner with one of my best friends from my support group the week before last, spent the night at the Holiday Inn with my god sister last Monday, where we watched movies, ordered room service, and read gossip magazines while eating our favorite candy Dazzlers. I got to see my dad, step-mom, brother and sister on Saturday where we went to the Cheesecake Factory and then Barnes & Nobles, and had breakfast after my speech. Sunday afternoon I went to the Domain with another best friend from church, which was really fun. This is my mom's last week of work, so I am looking forward to spending some quality time with her, and going on a little getaway, and maybe going on a trip with two of my best friends. With all the stress, I am glad to be getting some fun in, even if it causes increased pain and fatigue, it is totally worth it. I am continuing to try and trust God with all that is going, but its definitely a process. Knowing that I have Him as my rock and strength, gives me peace and comfort, because I know that He can accomplish things that I can't do on my own. By giving my life and heart to Him, He will be able to do more than I could ever imagine.
I believe they will be posting the recording of it on the church's website, and possibly make CD's. I will let you all know how you will be able to hear the recording of it, if you so desire.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
For awhile I have had this void, because I have always been the type of person who enjoys volunteering, doing service projects, and being a blessing and encouraging others, and because of my illness I have felt I have been more on the receiving end instead of the giving. I had been praying that God will help me to find a way to be a blessing and encourage and inspire others. When I got the opportunity to share my story, and heard how people were excited and looking forward to hearing it, I felt that void could begin to be filled. It wasn't until after I shared my story that I really felt that void actually beginning to be filled. I have been thinking lately about what I could do in life, knowing what the situation is/could be with my illness. I realized that I could continue blogging, and eventually turn the blogs into a book. I can also try and look for religious organizations, magazines, and websites that would allow me to share my story of illness and faith. I also would like to start volunteering in the playrooms at Dell Children's, work more with the Make-A-Wish Foundation, and maybe even start a teenagers with arthritis support group through my pediatric rheumatologists office. I feel that these things are what I am called to do. I love what 1 Corinthians 9:23 says, "I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings." I think that this scripture is so true. I feel that by sharing my story and helping others, I am doing it for both therm and God, and at the same time everyone will be blessed. I also love Romans 15:29 which says, "I know that when I come to you, I will come in the full measure of the blessing of Christ." This piece of scripture comforts me, because it helps me to know that by doing what the Lord calls me to do, I will receive his blessings, because I am being called to be a blessing, and to encourage and inspires others.
On a different note, things are going along. I am down to 20 mg of the weekly Methotrexate, which I like to call "lemonade", because its yellow, and lemonade sounds like a positive way to describe a poison. With this lower dose, I am experiencing more symptoms, including increased joint pain, swelling and stiffness, increased muscle weakness, shortness of breath, and fatigue. They have increased my methadone to 40 mg from 30mg. I am not sure how long they will keep me on the 20, before going down to 15, but because I am feeling worse, I hope that it is for a little while at least. I meet with my Hem/Onc doctor, Dr. Cline-Burkhardt (Dr. CB) next Friday, and Dr. Carrasco the following week. I was pleased to have some fun in the past two weeks. I had dinner with one of my best friends from my support group the week before last, spent the night at the Holiday Inn with my god sister last Monday, where we watched movies, ordered room service, and read gossip magazines while eating our favorite candy Dazzlers. I got to see my dad, step-mom, brother and sister on Saturday where we went to the Cheesecake Factory and then Barnes & Nobles, and had breakfast after my speech. Sunday afternoon I went to the Domain with another best friend from church, which was really fun. This is my mom's last week of work, so I am looking forward to spending some quality time with her, and going on a little getaway, and maybe going on a trip with two of my best friends. With all the stress, I am glad to be getting some fun in, even if it causes increased pain and fatigue, it is totally worth it. I am continuing to try and trust God with all that is going, but its definitely a process. Knowing that I have Him as my rock and strength, gives me peace and comfort, because I know that He can accomplish things that I can't do on my own. By giving my life and heart to Him, He will be able to do more than I could ever imagine.
I believe they will be posting the recording of it on the church's website, and possibly make CD's. I will let you all know how you will be able to hear the recording of it, if you so desire.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Sunday School Speech
Sorry I haven't posted in lately, I haven't had any real news until this past week, and I am so excited to share it with everyone. I have been asked to speak at my church's (St. Matthew's Episcopal Church) Sunday school, on Sunday, January 23rd at 9:15 AM. I will be telling my story about my journey living with my diseases, and how my faith has had such a big impact in helping me through this roller coaster ride. I have always wanted to share my story, in the hope of encouraging and inspiring others, not just those who are living with a chronic illness, but others as well. I want to share how when going through a difficult time, when you feel like giving up, that hope, and faith in the Lord can help you to get through it. I have gone to my church since I was around three or four years old. I went to Sunday school, Vacation Bible School in the summer, and my family and I always prayed before we ate. For me that was ok. But the summer before sixth grade, something changed. I was getting ready to start a new school with only two or three kids from my elementary school going, so as you can imagine I was pretty nervous. I decide that since I was going to a new school, and making new friends that it would be a chance to have a fresh start and sort of reinvent myself. A sweet neighbor of mine, who I have sadly lost touch with, shared with me some scripture verses, and prayed with me, to help calm some of my fears about starting middle school. As I read the verses she gave me, I decided I wanted to read more of God's word. I had seen a Teen Study Bible at my church, in Sunday school, and I went to the Christian bookstore and bought one. After reading a few verses, I made a commitment as part of my fresh start, to freshen my relationship with God. I decided to start reading my Bible and praying more, and that summer, recommitted myself to Christ. This decision came at a time, when I was just starting to feel like I needed something more powerful in my life, with starting a new school, moving from just going to Sunday school to going to youth group at church, and my dad moving back to Texas with my stepmom and half-sister, after spending five years away living in Colombia, South America. Little did I know that this recommittal to the Lord would have such a profound impact on my life.
When I became ill at the beginning of eighth grade, it had been two years since my recommitment, and I definitely felt as though I had grown both spiritually in my relationship with God, and as a person. I think that this is what really helped me in dealing with my illness. I feel that by sharing how much my life has changed since I became sick, and how God has helped me to deal with these changes, I can show others that when life deals you an unfair hand, relying on the Lord and your faith, and trusting Him, instead of giving up and turning away from Him, will help make dealing with challenges, and life in general much easier. That you can feel at peace and content with whatever happens in life, as God has already laid out the path for our life before we were even created. I hope others can take away a message of hope, inspiration, encouragement, and God's love. 2 Thessalonians 2:14 says, "He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ." I feel that this is perfect in describing the reason why I want to share my story, in that God has called me to do so, and to share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Changing subjects, I wanted to give an update on whats been going on health wise. They have weaned my chemo down to 25mg (I have said they are weaning me down 5mg every two weeks), and with this decrease, I have definitely noticed some increases in symptoms, particularly fatigue, more joint pain, stiffness and swelling, increased shortness of breath requiring me to use my oxygen more frequently, and my tachycardia has started to return. I met with a palliative care doctor (Dr. Robert Friedman) last Wednesday, and he is such a wonderful doctor, very thorough, caring and compassionate. The goal of palliative care is quality of life, and keeping you comfortable. He recommended that I increase my Methadone from 30mg 3x a day to 40mg 3x a day, to help better manage my pain. I also started an appetite suppressant Phentermine, to help me lose some of the weight I have gained from being on steroids for so long. Coincidentally the phentermine is a stimulant that could help with my fatigue, which is something that Dr. Friedman wanted to help me with. If I wasn't on Phentermine, he would prescribe me Ritalin another stimulant, commonly used to treat kids with ADHD, to help with the fatigue. Even when I am off of the chemo I will still have to be very careful about getting infections, avoiding crowds, and wearing a mask when necessary. I have to be particularly careful of respiratory infections, because I have diminished capacity in my lungs due to the muscles around my lungs being so week because of the Dermatomyositis. This makes it much more difficult for me to breath in, so if I get a respiratory infection it would be even more difficult for me to breath in and cough up all the krudd, so my chances of getting pneumonia are increased, and if I get pneumonia it could be deadly. In regards to chemo, when I get to 20mg, they will keep me at that dose for a few months and then wean me back down 5mg every two weeks. 20mg was the dose at which I had started getting the methotrexate as an infusion instead of an injection, and when my hair started falling out again. I asked the nurse yesterday if when I get to 15mg will it start to grow back, and she said probably not, because of how long I have been on the higher dose, and the fact that I get it weekly. As you can imagine, I wasn't very happy to hear that, but not having to worry about my hair is one less thing to worry about.
I want to say thank you to all of you who read my blog, to my family, friends, church community, and doctors and nurses. Without the love, support, and encouragement that each of you have provided individually, and as a whole, this roller coaster of a journey would have been/and continue to be much more difficult. You all are there when I need to vent or a shoulder to cry on, to provide humor and laughter when I need, and provide me with friendship and unconditional love and support. For that I am so very blessed, and grateful to God. Thank you again.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
When I became ill at the beginning of eighth grade, it had been two years since my recommitment, and I definitely felt as though I had grown both spiritually in my relationship with God, and as a person. I think that this is what really helped me in dealing with my illness. I feel that by sharing how much my life has changed since I became sick, and how God has helped me to deal with these changes, I can show others that when life deals you an unfair hand, relying on the Lord and your faith, and trusting Him, instead of giving up and turning away from Him, will help make dealing with challenges, and life in general much easier. That you can feel at peace and content with whatever happens in life, as God has already laid out the path for our life before we were even created. I hope others can take away a message of hope, inspiration, encouragement, and God's love. 2 Thessalonians 2:14 says, "He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ." I feel that this is perfect in describing the reason why I want to share my story, in that God has called me to do so, and to share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Changing subjects, I wanted to give an update on whats been going on health wise. They have weaned my chemo down to 25mg (I have said they are weaning me down 5mg every two weeks), and with this decrease, I have definitely noticed some increases in symptoms, particularly fatigue, more joint pain, stiffness and swelling, increased shortness of breath requiring me to use my oxygen more frequently, and my tachycardia has started to return. I met with a palliative care doctor (Dr. Robert Friedman) last Wednesday, and he is such a wonderful doctor, very thorough, caring and compassionate. The goal of palliative care is quality of life, and keeping you comfortable. He recommended that I increase my Methadone from 30mg 3x a day to 40mg 3x a day, to help better manage my pain. I also started an appetite suppressant Phentermine, to help me lose some of the weight I have gained from being on steroids for so long. Coincidentally the phentermine is a stimulant that could help with my fatigue, which is something that Dr. Friedman wanted to help me with. If I wasn't on Phentermine, he would prescribe me Ritalin another stimulant, commonly used to treat kids with ADHD, to help with the fatigue. Even when I am off of the chemo I will still have to be very careful about getting infections, avoiding crowds, and wearing a mask when necessary. I have to be particularly careful of respiratory infections, because I have diminished capacity in my lungs due to the muscles around my lungs being so week because of the Dermatomyositis. This makes it much more difficult for me to breath in, so if I get a respiratory infection it would be even more difficult for me to breath in and cough up all the krudd, so my chances of getting pneumonia are increased, and if I get pneumonia it could be deadly. In regards to chemo, when I get to 20mg, they will keep me at that dose for a few months and then wean me back down 5mg every two weeks. 20mg was the dose at which I had started getting the methotrexate as an infusion instead of an injection, and when my hair started falling out again. I asked the nurse yesterday if when I get to 15mg will it start to grow back, and she said probably not, because of how long I have been on the higher dose, and the fact that I get it weekly. As you can imagine, I wasn't very happy to hear that, but not having to worry about my hair is one less thing to worry about.
I want to say thank you to all of you who read my blog, to my family, friends, church community, and doctors and nurses. Without the love, support, and encouragement that each of you have provided individually, and as a whole, this roller coaster of a journey would have been/and continue to be much more difficult. You all are there when I need to vent or a shoulder to cry on, to provide humor and laughter when I need, and provide me with friendship and unconditional love and support. For that I am so very blessed, and grateful to God. Thank you again.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Discouraging News
This past week I got some very discouraging news. On Wednesday morning, Dr. Martinez (the BMT doctor at TCH in Houston), called and said that at this time I was not a candidate for transplant. They didn't have a protocol for me and couldn't create one, and because of my history of infections even on IVIG (an immune boosting medication) they couldn't do the transplant. This is the same thing that we have heard from all the other transplant clinics that we have sent my case. As you can imagine we were devastated. We had been waiting, praying and believing that they were going to do the transplant, and things that she had said at our last appointment indicated to us that it was going to happen. It felt as though we had been strung along for the past few months, and my grandfather believes that she, and the rheumatologist did not handle my case well. After hearing the news, my mom, grandfather and I met with my pediatric rheumatologist here Austin, Dr. Carrasco for over an hour on Thursday. He said that he had talked with several pediatric and adult rheumatologist in Austin, Houston, Dallas, Seattle, Chicago, Duke in North Carolina, and Philadelphia. They all said the same thing their is nothing more that they can do for me, that he is not already doing. I will never be able to get into a clinical trial because of my multiple diseases, and the fact that none of the doctors have heard of anybody else with my particular combination of auto-immune diseases. There is a drug that I could try called Rituxan, but the fact that I have failed so many other drugs, and have an unusual disease combo, makes the chances of it working very low. Their is also a very rare neurological side-effeect of the drug, called PML that is almost always fatal. That, with the other severe side-effects of the drug, and my history of rare side-effects on other medicines I've taken (mainly aseptic meningitis from IVIG), make the risk of taking the drug greater than the benefit. Their is nothing left that the doctors can do for me. I have been on chemo for so long (18 months), and the long term side-effects of it (developing cancer, organ problems, and other side-effects) are not good, so the doctors have decided to taper me off of it 5mg every 2 weeks. They could have stopped it cold turkey, but knowing my body I preferred to taper off of it. At least afterwards my hair will start growing back. We then will just let my body do what its going to do, and try to manage my pain as best as we can. Because of my age, for how long I have been sick, and the complexity of my diseases, the chances of my condition spontaneously going into remission are very low. They say that usually people flare about 1 1/2-2 months after stopping the medicine, so I go back and see Dr. Carrasco in July, so we can evaluate how I am doing. I will be able to travel in about 6 weeks (the dose of chemo will be low enough), so that I can go on my Make-A-Wish trip to go see the cast of NCIS. They are working on getting everything arranged. As you can imaging we are all in shock and devastated about the news. I had never seen Dr. Carrasco so emotional, that he almost cried. He never really has to tell patients that there is nothing more that can be done for them.
I have been reflecting, praying and meditating a lot lately about all of this. My perspective on life is changing. I want to live my life to the best of my ability each day. The day we found out the transplant wasn't going to happen I ate sushi, even though I know it's not good for me to on chemo. I didn't care anymore, I just wanted to enjoy life, and still do. I prayed everyday that they were going to do the transplant, and I know that God heard my prayers. Even though the transplant didn't happen, I know God has a reason for it, and that it hurts him to see me in pain. I am becoming more at peace each day, and I do have my moments where I cry, yell, scream, get angry, frustrated and discouraged. I know that this didn't happen to me but for me.
Yesterday, my grandfather sent me the following poem:
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen
I plan on posting this on the mirror in my bathroom and reading it each morning. I think that this prayer is very true. I need to know and trust that all of this is part of God's will, and of course that is easier said and done. Despite this illness, I am truly blessed. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, shoes on my feet, food to eat, a warm bed to sleep in, and wonderful friends and family. My life may be difficult at times, but who's isn't. We have to accept and deal with the challenges that life brings us. As long as we have, faith, determination, and the willpower to keep living life to the fullest, than we will be OK. I trust that God only has good things planned for me, and I know this, because of all that he has already given me. This roller coaster I'm on, is the most wild ride of my life. Even though I have been sick, I wouldn't trade my life for anything, because it has made me into who I am today, and has taught me so much in life. I know that whatever happens in my life God will be right there with me.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
I have been reflecting, praying and meditating a lot lately about all of this. My perspective on life is changing. I want to live my life to the best of my ability each day. The day we found out the transplant wasn't going to happen I ate sushi, even though I know it's not good for me to on chemo. I didn't care anymore, I just wanted to enjoy life, and still do. I prayed everyday that they were going to do the transplant, and I know that God heard my prayers. Even though the transplant didn't happen, I know God has a reason for it, and that it hurts him to see me in pain. I am becoming more at peace each day, and I do have my moments where I cry, yell, scream, get angry, frustrated and discouraged. I know that this didn't happen to me but for me.
Yesterday, my grandfather sent me the following poem:
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen
I plan on posting this on the mirror in my bathroom and reading it each morning. I think that this prayer is very true. I need to know and trust that all of this is part of God's will, and of course that is easier said and done. Despite this illness, I am truly blessed. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, shoes on my feet, food to eat, a warm bed to sleep in, and wonderful friends and family. My life may be difficult at times, but who's isn't. We have to accept and deal with the challenges that life brings us. As long as we have, faith, determination, and the willpower to keep living life to the fullest, than we will be OK. I trust that God only has good things planned for me, and I know this, because of all that he has already given me. This roller coaster I'm on, is the most wild ride of my life. Even though I have been sick, I wouldn't trade my life for anything, because it has made me into who I am today, and has taught me so much in life. I know that whatever happens in my life God will be right there with me.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Monday, May 13, 2013
Mother's Day
Yesterday was Mother's Day, a special day in which we honor our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and all the motherly figures in our lives. This Mother's Day was low key for our family. We went to church, had breakfast at our usual restaurant where I gave my mom and grandmother handmade cards, and then we had a wonderful dinner later in the day at my great great Aunt Martha's house, where my grandfather barbecued some delicious ribs. I am so pleased that I was able to have a day in which to honor my mother and grandmother. They are the backbones of my life. Not only have they taken care of me during this roller coaster of an illness, but they provide encouragement, love, and wisdom. I am so blessed to have them in my life. They are their for me no matter what, even when I can be not so pleasant to be around.
I was thinking about how our mother's deserve to be treated as though it is Mother's Day, every day of the year. I don't mean giving gifts and cooking nice dinners (though I'm sure they would love that). I mean we should tell them and show them with our actions daily, how much we love and appreciate all that they do for us. I hope my mom, and grandmother, and all the mother's out their had a relaxing, blessed, and joy filled Mother's Day. We would not be who we are, without all that you do for us.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
I was thinking about how our mother's deserve to be treated as though it is Mother's Day, every day of the year. I don't mean giving gifts and cooking nice dinners (though I'm sure they would love that). I mean we should tell them and show them with our actions daily, how much we love and appreciate all that they do for us. I hope my mom, and grandmother, and all the mother's out their had a relaxing, blessed, and joy filled Mother's Day. We would not be who we are, without all that you do for us.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Let Go Let God
I have a charm from James Avery, that says "Let Go Let God." It was given to me by my grandmother to put on my charm necklace. She thought that this was a perfect charm for me, considering my situation. Whenever I get frustrated and discouraged, my grandmother always says, "Let Go Let God." I can tell you that when she says that, I get really annoyed and frustrated. I think its because that it is something easier said than done. I know she is just trying to be positive and encouraging. Me being the religious and spiritual person that I am I really try to put in practice trusting and having faith in God. One of my favorite examples of this in scripture, is the story of Joseph. Joseph was thrown into the pit, had his coat stollen from him, and sold into slavery by his brothers, yet he continued to trust and have faith in God that his dream would come to pass. His master Pottiphar let Joseph run his home, but Pottiphar's wife seduced Joseph, but being faithful to the Lord Joseph rejected her, and she took his coat, gave it to Pottiphar and said Joseph attacked her. He was put in prison, and he continued to remain faithful. While in prison he met Pharoh's cupbearer and baker, and interpreted a dream for them. He asked the cupbearer to put in a good name for him to Pharoh. The cupbearer and baker were released and the baker ended up being killed. Joseph continued to spend the next two years in prison, but the warden ended up putting him in charge of the prison. One day the Pharoh told his cupbearer about a dream that he had, and the cupbearer said, oh their was this dream interpreter in prison, and the Pharoh asked him to be brought to him. Joseph was released from prison and brought to Pharoh. He told Pharoh that a great famine would occur and that he needed to appoint someone to rule. Pharoh appointed Joseph because he said that since God gave him the ability to have and interpret these dreams, that he would be perfect for the job. Joseph ended up becoming second in command, and was given a linen robe, and Pharoh's signet ring as a sign of his authority. Joseph's brothers who betrayed him, ended up coming to him for help during the famine. Joseph's continuing faith and trust in God allowed his dream and destiny come to pass, and he received abundant blessings.
This story inspires me to continue to have faith and trust in God, even when I have difficulties and hurdles in my life. I love what Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." I know that even though I can't see the light at the end of tunnel, I have faith that it is their, and have faith that God will get me through it.
On another note, I am still waiting to hear from Houston. A week ago from yesterday, Dr. Martinez's office said that she was needing to meet with the rheumatologist this past week, and that if I haven't heard anything by Friday, to call back and hopefully she will give me her decision. I will call on Monday for an update. In the meantime I'm struggling and hanging in their, my muscle enzymes aren't looking good, and they shouldn't be as high as they are on the dose of chemo that I'm on, and my SED rate (which measures inflammation) is 3x the high normal. This increased chemo is taking a toll on my body, I'm having horrible nausea and mouth sores, but I know this will be a cakewalk compared to the transplant. I'm looking forward to seeing my friends who are home for the summer from college, and hanging out and catching up with them. I am trying to take it one day at a time and "Let Go Let God."
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
This story inspires me to continue to have faith and trust in God, even when I have difficulties and hurdles in my life. I love what Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." I know that even though I can't see the light at the end of tunnel, I have faith that it is their, and have faith that God will get me through it.
On another note, I am still waiting to hear from Houston. A week ago from yesterday, Dr. Martinez's office said that she was needing to meet with the rheumatologist this past week, and that if I haven't heard anything by Friday, to call back and hopefully she will give me her decision. I will call on Monday for an update. In the meantime I'm struggling and hanging in their, my muscle enzymes aren't looking good, and they shouldn't be as high as they are on the dose of chemo that I'm on, and my SED rate (which measures inflammation) is 3x the high normal. This increased chemo is taking a toll on my body, I'm having horrible nausea and mouth sores, but I know this will be a cakewalk compared to the transplant. I'm looking forward to seeing my friends who are home for the summer from college, and hanging out and catching up with them. I am trying to take it one day at a time and "Let Go Let God."
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Tough Week
This has been a tough week for our country, with the bombing's of the Boston Marathon and at MIT, and the fertilizer plant explosion in West, TX. I have been praying for those who were injured and lost their lives, and their families. Tragedies like the bombing makes it more prevalent that evil does exist in the world. When any tragedy occurs, many people wonder if their is a God, and if their is, does he care? The answer is yes. Our God is a merciful and wonderful God, and every tear we shed, and pain we feel, he also feels it. People always ask the question "why do bad things happen to good people?" I can't really answer that question, as its above my pay grade. I do believe that God loves us with all is heart, as He gave His only son for us. We can't stop bad things from happening in this world, but we can choose to continue to trust and have faith in God. I believe that His love is always with us, and that He will always take care of us and watch over us in the good times and the bad.
In addition to the tough week our nation has had, I had a tough day yesterday, as I got my first increased dose of my weekly chemo. I went up from 30 mg to 35. I have mixed feelings about it. I was upset at first, because I didn't want to deal with worsening side effects, but at the same time, I knew it could help some with my symptoms, and keep me alive and somewhat stable. Im feeling pretty blah today, and just flu-like. But I'm pushing through, and going to get a manicure and pedicure this afternoon with my mom, so that will be relaxing. Even though this has been a difficult week for me and many in this nation, I know that we will come out victoriously. I love what Deuteronomy 20:4 says, "For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." I love this scripture verse, it is so encouraging. It helps me to know that God is always with us, and will help us against our difficulties, so that we will come out stronger and victoriously. I believe that with faith, and determination we can get through any obstacle, and reap the fruits of God's abundance and blessings. May God bless each one of you, and this nation.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
In addition to the tough week our nation has had, I had a tough day yesterday, as I got my first increased dose of my weekly chemo. I went up from 30 mg to 35. I have mixed feelings about it. I was upset at first, because I didn't want to deal with worsening side effects, but at the same time, I knew it could help some with my symptoms, and keep me alive and somewhat stable. Im feeling pretty blah today, and just flu-like. But I'm pushing through, and going to get a manicure and pedicure this afternoon with my mom, so that will be relaxing. Even though this has been a difficult week for me and many in this nation, I know that we will come out victoriously. I love what Deuteronomy 20:4 says, "For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." I love this scripture verse, it is so encouraging. It helps me to know that God is always with us, and will help us against our difficulties, so that we will come out stronger and victoriously. I believe that with faith, and determination we can get through any obstacle, and reap the fruits of God's abundance and blessings. May God bless each one of you, and this nation.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Practicing Patience
One of the challenges that I have had through this journey of an illness, is practicing patience. I have been trying to be patient when it comes to many different aspects of my illness. First, it was being patient while waiting for a diagnosis, then being patient while trying to find the right treatment and seeing whether this one will be the "miracle", and now being patient while waiting to hear from the BMT team at TCH in Houston. I pray each day, that God will help me to be more patient, and sometimes I am, and other times not so much. It is such a daily struggle. I know that God has given me the strength to be patient, I just have to find it within myself. I think when you are in so much agony, and so drained (physically and emotionally), you have the desire to just get discouraged and want to give up. But those are the times when practicing patience and relying on the Lord are crucial. I once read that you should try not to think of something bad happening to you, but for you. I know that may sound strange, but I think its a positive spin on a negative situation. That saying resonated even more with me, when I read in scripture that God will reward us double for our troubles, just like he did with Job. But we have to stay in faith for that to happen, and that's where patience comes in to play. James 5:7 says, "Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains." I think this is such a beautiful scripture verse. It helps me to know that I have to be patient in order to see the rewards of God's blessings, just as a farmer practices patience waiting for his crops. Patience is a difficult thing to practice, but so important. I know that by being patient and faithful that I will see an abundance of God's blessings. It may be a difficult journey, like it was for Job, but in the end, the rewards will be so worth it.
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
Joyful Love
&
Blessings In The Lord
Alexandra K. Acosta
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